"quotes 7. you read that right."

warning: this page has bad words which can cause insanity and death

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"Oh my God. There's an unattractive nude man playing the cello." -Rachel's mom about Ugly Naked Guy, on "Friends" (thanks to Amanda C.)

"You watch films of the Beatles and the screaming seems quite natural. But when people start screaming at you, it's really funny." -Dave Gahan, Depeche Mode (thanks Boo)

"Hysteria became a way of life. When the band appeared onstage, at the Venue and elsewhere, they were bombarded with feminine gifts -- everything from jewelery to items of clothing. The lines at the dressing room door lengthened; Melody Maker once espied a line of over one hundred fans, ninety percent female." -Depeche Mode: Some Great Reward by Dave Thompson (thanks again to Boo)

"If Ward weren't in a band, he'd be in an AC/DC cover band." -Jay
"...That'd still be a band." -Ward

"Thanks, Ward, we'll let you know." -Jonny after Ward did some "Back in Black" acoustic

"She's touching him." -Laura K. when Amanda Kapasouz patted Jay

"She kissed him." Laura K. and I together when Amanda Kapasouz kissed Jay

Me: You know what, Jonny? You have a ghetto booty.
Jonny: Yeah, I know. I'm pretty proud of it.
Me: As you should be.
Jonny: I'm really kinda the only guy in the band with an ass.

"'There is such discrimination against Mac users,' I say. Sitting cross-legged in front of me with his burgundy colored satin suit, shaggy dark-red hair, and a sincere look of concern [Matt] nods his head and says, 'That is so true.'" -Loella's recap

"What was it again?" -me
"It was something about they think they're hot and we think they're hot and we're all tools, therefore, we are one." -Erin on a former quote

"Don't do that again!" -me after Matt scared me while I was rubbing my eyes
"I can do whatever I want!" -Matt

"So we only do this song once a decade. Except for this decade, we've done it a bunch." -Jay at Dock Street 2002 before "Mother's Eyes"

"Um. Is it just me? Or did this smell of alcohol just now drift off the stage?" -me at the start of DS 2002 night 3

"Lemme just say, that is very like the Bivins brothers -- for Matt to be all, 'Everything's wonderful, life is wonderful!' and for Evan to throw a cap at you." -Jay

"You're like 'Not only do you make me miserable, but you make my miserable and everyone knows it.'" -Amanda to me

"I wasn't a frat guy. [wild audience laughter] I know, it's weird." -Matt

"They have no idea how hard it is being a Jumpgirl. It's like living in a damn Liz Phair album." -me (...I don't know. I was tired)

"I know Jay was like 'Shit, if he's dead, we're gonna have to end the song.'" -Ken about Matt jumping off the stage during "Lannigan's" on the DVD

"We were thinking of doing bobblehead dolls." -J.C. It now occurs to me that he might have been joking, but I hope not.

"When we saw that Jay had been released from his conversation, Erin and I called his name. At the same time, Matt Evans and Hewitt said his name. Though it sounds like an out-and-out lie, Jay spun in two concentric circles in front of us like a puppy chasing his tail before we were able to get him to stop and face us. 'Jay. Jay. No, over here. Okay. Hi,' I said when he finally unraveled himself, while I internally rolled my eyes, realizing that we had found a third member who needed the key shaking treatment." -Loella

"I had been kicking the [Union Jack Doc Marten that Jay] signed at my brother all week and saying, 'The power of Jay compels you,' like they do in 'The Exorcist.' Oh, it is so fun to do! Honestly, I’m not completely crazy." -Erin C.

"The only thing worse than the puppets was the lighting which went on and off of the right band members and Matt’s pants. I was extremely distracted by the fact that his, ahem, package was distractingly pressed up against his pants. Much to my relief, his shirt came untucked and was able to disguise the bulge. That couldn’t have been comfortable. Maybe Matt should wear a cup to contain himself on stage. Jump, little jock strap." -Meredith

"I'm going to make a tape of 'Say Goodnight' for my mom. I told her it was the prettiest song about masturbation I'd ever heard." -Laura G.

"Matt has what? Only 4 songs. I've got like 75 or 80." -Jay defending himself to Pip

"You know, there are other band members." -Kristin's boyfriend to her as she took pictures of Matt

"Why'd you have to show that to me? Now I'm obsessed and can't get enough." -Kristin's best friend after she saw the DVD

"Yo, Biv, lozenges." -Evan getting Matt's attention with Erin C.'s offer of cough drops as Matt was surrounded by girls

Me: Silly Matt.
Amy: Skirts are for girls!

"What I want to know is, when did he have that taken?" -me about a really nice poster for Jay's solo shows
"That's his GlamourShots one. All he needs is a boa." -Rich

"Kate's job is hard enough as it is. It's like herding cats." -me to Laura G.

"Seriously, if I were the guy taking the picture, I would have been all 'Hey, tone it down.'" -Laura P. upon hearing that the photo used here is actually Jay's subway pass from Paris

"Heaven is under my kilt." -bumpersticker Erin saw on a truck

ORSINO: How dost thou like this tune?
VIOLA: It gives a very echo to the seat where love is throned. -Shakespeare, Twelfth Night, Act II, Scene IV

"Jump shows are the ultimate foreplay for the ultimate letdown." -Laura W.

"It's not funny." -Lauren Huff when people were chuckling at "All the Way to Mexico"

"We should yell out 'Pink Lemonade.'" -Lauren Huff at the JayShow

"Do you guys wanna hear--"
"Yeah." -Jay and some random girl at the JayShow

"Once you hear about us, pretty soon you're going to hear about her." -Jay about me

Stacey: Matt Bivins has been momentarily put on hold.
Me: Heh.
Stacey: *insert cheesy muzak here*
Me: "Your ass is important to us. Please continue to hold. Thank you for your hotness."

"I always think it is super cute to see the couples that do go [to Jump shows together]. The girls are always swooning at the stage and the boys are always swooning at the girl and being patient while she is busy being in love with the loveliness that is Jump." -Jamie

"All the therapy and healing a person does to get through life has no place in good music. Good music is the explanation of all that bad stuff. It's finding intrinsic beauty in life's messy fucked-upness." -Julianna Raye

"Matt's like talking to a brick wall though, sometimes.... A really hot brick wall." -Steph

"Is anybody else over 21 coming?" -Ann Renna
"No, it's just me." -me

"He's Jay and Matt's baby. If Jay and Matt had a baby, it'd be Mike." -Nicole

"It really is called 'Chocolate.'" -Matt to me while setting up, about his hair color
"I know, honey. It's just that you keep calling it by the name on the box." -me

"It's just not fair for him to be that fine!" -random girl behind me about Matt

"They'd be really sad if we didn't look at them." -Rich about band members in the Grill

"Jump, Little Children is like a Baked Alaska when I've been living in a world of grape Jell-O. And not the good grape Jell-O; the hard kind with pears in it." -Alexandra

"Don't move, any of you. They've gone potty out there. The place is surgin' with girls." -manager
"Please sir, sir, can I have one to surge with sir, please, sir." -John
"No, you can't." -manager, A Hard Day's Night

"'...and that's Ward, and that's Jay' -- ([random guy] telling his friend who was whom as Jump walked onstage) -- 'and that's Matt - I personally think he's gay but all the girls think he's hot.'" (Then every girl within earshot gives him an evil look)." -Elizabeth (The guys were both actually huge fans that had a good time.)

"They all looked rather pleased with themselves." -Alison

"I swear, they're like the NSYNC of indie rock." -Cha
"I can see that as their stage introduction -- 'Ladies and gentlemen, the NSYNC of indie rock -- Jump, Little Children!'" -me

"That might actually happen!" -Matt, re: the above

"There are many things that Matt is. Ham, yes. Beefcake, no." -Cha

"'I look hot'? Do I? I have no idea." -Jay about a fan yelling at him

"I did not really invite you guys into that conversation." -Matt
"Too bad." -Jonny

"Fuck war!" -Jay
"Fuck Ward!" -Jonny

"We're such loser groupies, dude. We have to sleep with each other." -Lena

Karen: What was that about a dam and a duck?
Manashi: No, it's called "The Dim and the Dark."
Karen: Oh. [pause] Well, Jay is hot.

"I first heard the name Beethoven when I was seventeen. I had heard that his music aroused such passion... as to be dangerous. Some thought it obscene and unsuitable for the young." -Immortal Beloved (thanks Laura W.)

"Stay black!" -boy to Evan at Ziggy's (thanks Amy)

"Whatever makes you guys scream, we'll do it." -Jay

"I don't have to WAIT in LINE to talk to someone. No one is that important. Except for God. Well... Jay comes close." -Amy

Lauren Huff: Matt, when do tickets go on sale?
Matt: All y'all ever think about is Tinkers! Tinkers, Tinkers, Tinkers!
Lauren: What are you talking about? I said "tickets."

"You can only love a band this way once, I think. Now that it's happened with Jump, it's never going to happen again with another band. That's probably a good thing, 'cause for those three years or so, I had more fun than I could possibly [have] imagine[d], but it was also by far the most important thing in my life, and things can't stay that way forever." -Anoop

"Opium is the perfect drug for people who want to remain articulate while being completely trivial." -A Bright Room Called Day, Tony Kushner

"She wants to jump some folks, that's for damn sure." -Laura P.

"I'd really like it if people could refrain from screaming, 'I love you, ___' at every given moment. Trust me. They know. I'd also like it if people who can't sing don't sing at the top of their lungs. Hell, even beyond their lungs if that's possible. Thank you." -Brandy

Laura K.: I actually was listening to ["Body Parts"] this morning. It's why I put the CD in. It still depresses me, though.
Me: You should hear him in concert when he goes "Something that you want but you're never gonna get." It's like, Well, screw you, too.
Laura K.: That chocolate-haired fiend.

"Matt was giving a plug to buy merchandise, pointing out all the lovely things for sale at the back table. Random girl screams 'CAN WE PURCHASE YOU???'" -Alison

Alison: Okay FINE maybe I'm coming around.
Me: Hee.
Me: Any reason?
Alison: 'Cause [Matt]'s sexy. Duh.
Alison: This does NOT mean I want to have sex with him. It only means I can now picture it being veeeeeery very nice.
Me: LOL
Me: Urge... to quote... rising!

"This one time I saved Jonny from this drunken ho and threw her at Matt, and she was chewing on his ears and molesting him and he had no recourse. Ha ha." -Loni

"I walked into the bathroom last night and Matt Bivins was leaving... and in my drunken state I said 'Whoa, Matthew Bivins' out loud. He turns around and says 'Hey, Pip' and I'm like 'This is weird.' And he says 'Everyone's gotta pee.' And that was it. For some reason I said Matthew. I didn't realize it was funny until after it happened." -Pip

Matt: Contrary to popular belief, ["Hold You Down"] is not about bondage--
Jay: Yeah it is.

"I hope he wouldn't ignore me getting my ass kicked right there in front of him. But it's always a possibility." -Erin

"You have issuses with Jump until the time that they walk on stage and Matt's crotch is in your face. You seem pretty fine with them then!" -Steph's coworker

"That seems to be it with them in most cases -- 'Is she okay?' Gee. Why? Because I don't accost you like everyone else? I must be fucked in the head." -Megan

"Sometimes I feel so frustrated. Do you know what I'm talking about?" -Matt

"Don't let me do anything to him!" -Crystal, drunk
"Don't let ME do anything to him either." -me, tipsy

"Jay and I are gonna do a comedy routine." -Ward
"Ward, you got a fish in your pants." -Jay
"AH! Ba-dum-dum. ...That was it." -Ward

"We came for a Jump, Little Children concert." -Crystal to the owner of a gift shop in Savannah
"Ah, yes, of course." -the owner

"Tonight: The Greatest Band Ever" -somewhat unspecific but amusing sign in The Music Grill

"These [chocolate-covered pretzels] are Matt, because they can be sweet, but they can also be crunchy and abrasive." -Alison

Jay: Y'all are so funny. Every time you're drunk, you tell us, and it's just so cute.
Amanda: Jay, we've never been drunk at a show before.
Jay: Well, I know that.

"Look. It says 'Tinke's Revenge.'" -me about some free weekly in Chattanooga (that also spelled Friday as "Fridy")

"Jump, Little Childern" -how no less than TWO whiteboards spelled the band's name at Rhythm & Brews

"Hey! You should steal it." -me to Lauren Huff about the PlaySkool Jay at Candy Land in Chattanooga, which later adorned the merch table

"I wouldn't really be able to tell him he was doing something wrong. I'd be like, 'I have to tell you you're doing something wrong but you're so so pretty and I LOVE you.'" -Laura K. about Jay

"I do not want Jump, Little Children up my butt." -Meredith on thongs

"God. If I could be Matt Bivins for a day.... Well... that wouldn't work 'cause I'd just be sitting around all day thinking about Jay." -Amy

"I cannot figure out how they make their songs so beautiful. They must write them while they are having an orgasm." -Natalie

"Scarves mean confidence!" -accessories saleswoman (thanks to Mary K.

"'Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and have that nonsense respected." -Charles Lamb

"Dammit! Why can't one of them be gay?!" -Emily's friend Brooks

"Evan threw a bottlecap at me, Jay. I saw it." -Ward
"Ward, you deserve better treatment than that. Why do you throw bottlecaps at Ward at every show, Evan?" -Jay
"Because he's a big dork." -Evan
"Can't argue with that." -Ward

"You can flirt with him all you want. I'll just break him." -Vanessa's fiance after she and Evan were macking on each other somewhat

"Yeah, Anne will defend me." -Matt
"Anne says stop being mean to Matt." -me

"Sometimes, honestly, when I look at Matt, it makes me want to drive my car into a tree. And really, I don't get it. He is not at all the type of guy I go for.... But the way he works his jeans, he needs to pay them overtime." -Amanda Riley

Random girl: We love your penis!
Jay: Uh... well... thank you.
Jonny: We love our penis, too.
(I love how that reminds me of the "We love you too" quote.)

"Jesus, I don't need any more rock stars to worry about." -Teddi

Brandy: I'm imagining you losing it and screaming, "I want to have your babies!" That would be hilarious.
Me: Ha! You know, sometimes I get close. Good thing I have a quiet voice. But maybe one day I'll just snap.

Another Amanda: Okay, so I read all the quote pages today, and... do y'all like the band?
Me: We love them. They just get us frustrated. In many ways.
Another Amanda: In more ways than sexually?
Me: Yeah; we get exasperated that we love them so much. Ha ha.

"Do you think accordian players have groupies? I mean, the really good ones?" -Whatever It Takes (thanks Shelley)

"What's with the pink guitar, hot stuff?" -random girl in New York (thanks Laura P.)

"Well, when I started takng a lot of pics of someone else, I'd remember that he had an ego, so I'd go back to him for a bit." -Laura P.
"You should have kept taking pics of someone else and got him pissy. God only knows what he would have done." -me
"I should have. Like, exclusively Ward. Three hundred pictures of Ward." -Laura P.

"Okay. I'm going to rename Trina [her cat] 'Matt.' I'm not paying her any attention so she stands in front of me and sticks her butt in my face." -Amy

"That kid's on opium, I know it!" -"The Oblongs"

JP - What city has the best groupies?
W - I'm the groupie connoisseur. I don't know. We had a good time in Birmingham.
J - Yes, I did have a good time in Birmingham. Birmingham's good. Atlanta, Athens, you know. I had a good groupie experience in Knoxville (both laugh). I loves all the ladies everywhere. -Interview

"Jump, Little Children are sort of ahead of their time, and I don't know if time will ever catch up to them. I think that they are an amazing band. If they had come up in the '80s, around the time of REM, they would have been great, and REM just sort of blazed the trail. They are so eclectic and mesmerizing, it's just such a great experience to watch them." -Matt Nathanson (thanks Liz Graziose)

"Never try to shift a bout of melancholy with two pipes of opium." -Daniel Deronda (thanks Emily)

"Southern... Delicious... Contagious." -Immaculate Baking Co.'s Sweet Georgia Brownies package (it even has a guitar on it!) (thanks Amanda Brown)

Me: I need to have stuff for... those other guys.
Amy: Ha ha. You mean the guys in the Matt Bivins band? Who are they again? And doesn't he have different ones each show?
Me: I'm not sure. I don't look at them.
Amy: It's so nice that Matt lets that funny-looking guy with the big head sing so many of their songs.

"I don't get Evangirl-ness. Can you explain it to me?" -me
"Well, have you SEEN the body?" -Teddi (...yes, that's sarcasm)

"I should have bought him a sandwich." -Brooke P. chastising herself about Evan

"He's a regular Bob Dylan. He plays guitar and harmonica, and you can't understand him." -Chris Slack about Jay

"In November of 1990, I chose to quit drinking and doing drugs, so I started AA and the accordion." -accordion discussion board (thanks soifeau)

"Okay... how on Earth did we manage to keep talking til 6 AM, anyway? I think everyone was just trying to be clever because Anne had her quote book out. And Todd always manages to be the only guy in a room full of girls. Six female Jump fans in a room; what did you think we were gonna talk about, Todd? Huh? Huh?" -Teddi

"I want to live in a magazine... but not Cancer & You. Why couldn't they have named it something else, like Cancer Beat?" -Laura G.

"We kick ass... even when we suck." -Jay (thanks Elizabeth)

"Dude, Evan has taste, that's all I'm saying. He doesn't pay $70 to make his hair look like he slept on it funny and he washes his shirts. So he may not eat, but at least the boy has hygiene down. AND he writes good songs." -Anne Krendl

"So like, if you join Opium, you get 500 e-mails of everybody talking about me picking my nose at the Birmingham show or whatever." -Ward (thanks Taylor)

"I knew I was drunk in Spartanburg because Ward was looking really sexy and I couldn't see Jay's head." -Teddi

"I was at work yesterday and told my coworkers that I want to have this guy's babies and they were like 'Gay much?' and I told them it was a completely different thing." -John L., a Mattgirl

Q: Did you have a favorite pick-up line?
A: No. Women just love motherfuckers in rock'n'roll. It's one of those things that made us want to be musicians. If a musician says anything to the contrary, he's full of shit. But playing music in front of a girl and exciting her through music is an age-old thing. So I didn't really need a pickup line. The pickup line was in the records. -Rick James, Maxim (thanks to Loni)

"My friend Saurabh: 'You know, Jump is like a boy band... only they're good.' (Then he went off to describe how each guy fits into one of the Spice-girl-like categories. I had no idea he had put so much thought into all things Jump.)" -Manashi

"I don't know why you girls are so crazy for this whiny music." -Manashi's mother

"Hey, can anyone tell me the name of the song that was playing at the end of the show? It was sung by a man and it was really slow and emo" -poster in an "Everwood" community on LiveJournal about "Cathedrals"

Matt: I wouldn't mind having a summer job.
Erin C.: Oooh, you should go be a bouncer! Or a stripper! There are a lot of want-ads in the Post & Courier for bouncers and strippers!
Matt: Yeah, I could be a bouncer.
[Nothing said about the strippers, oddly enough.]

"It's very disconcerting for people to talk about your pants a lot." -Matt

"Oh my God I would SO kick Matt Bivins out of bed for Johnny Diamond!" -Karla
"You better watch out or I'll quote that." -me
"I want you to!" -Karla [note: this is all sarcasm]

Me: He's a bass player.
Matt: Bass players are pretty solid. Drummers are the funniest. I wouldn't want to date a lead singer.
Me: Me neither.

"I need a Jonnyhug." -me
"It's been a while, huh?" -Jonny

"Our fans tend to be really melodramatic." -Matt
"That's because they're chicks. I keep telling you." -me

"Matt shakes his hips and acts like a dork. Jay, he's deep. He sings about dead girls and birds." -Alison K.

"I'm in a silly mood. That means I'm going to act silly." -Jay

"Your hair looks good." -Jay randomly to me
"Thank you. Your hair looks good too." -me

"Yeah, Jonny, go." -Jay during a solo version of "15 Stories" during the bass solo part

"This is also known as 'FML.'" -Jay, about "Forget My Loss"
"Okay...." -me, out loud by mistake (Jay laughed at me)

"I'm engaged. Too bad, ladies." -Jay

"I hope I've gotten everyone's requests." -Jay
"You didn't get mine." -me
"I don't care." -Jay

"When there are no words to describe something's beauty, there should only be sound -- and this would be it, Jay Clifford, singing." -Devon Powers

"Sometimes, people will come to the lessons, and they'll have no idea why they're here." -Matt explaining to Vanessa
"Oh, yeah they do. Yeah, they do." -me
"Shuuuuuuuut up." -Matt

"I've always tried to be supportive of Anne." -Matt (it's the tone that got me)

"Now you can summon the Oompa-Loompas." -John to Vanessa after she'd had a tin whistle lesson

"I was afraid you were going to be like, 'I met Lauren's mother and she had broccoli in her teeth!'" -Mrs. Duffie

"I took my friend Brian to his first J,LC show at Chicago HOB (3.27.03) and we spotted a horde of (literally) 12-year-olds. Brian: Are there usually a bunch of kids at their shows? Me: No!? They look like they're on a field trip or something.... I dunno. Brian: ...Ooooh, I get it! They're the little children... and we're supposed to JUMP them!"

"[Greg] Bell lists band ingredients[:] a little bit of electric lead, cello and accordion and upright bass electric and acoustic mandolin and 'a tasty little trap drummer [tasty, eh, Mr. Bell?!]. They're each quirky looking in their own way--the hunk, and the nerd, and the artsy guy and the rockabilly guy, without it looking contrived or anything.'" -Grant Britt, Independent Weekly

"Roadkill" Mike (drunk and in a wheelchair): "I'm one of the best harmonica players in the Charleston area; hell, I reel in the ladies when I play, and that guy can't even hold a harmonica right."
John Lindsey: "I dunno, Matt Bivins is pretty good."
[The band starts to play]
"Roadkill" Mike (defensively): "Well, he's got the standing up advantage.... I doubt he owns a Corvette."

"Evan really doesn't have an ass." -Taylor's friend Stephanie
"Yeah, Matt must have gotten all of the ass in the family." -Taylor Blumenberg
"It seems like he still does." -Taylor's mother

2/10/02 is a show played at a tiny club. The first half was broadcast live on the radio. The second disc of the show is where they let loose:
Ward: And now, you get the extra bonus rock! And now we can fucking cuss!
Jonathan: Yeah! Shit yeah, damn hell, muthafuckers! Yeah!
Jay: This is a song we that haven't recorded yet, but it's a... hell of a... shitload ...to play. (thanks to Adam)

Evan: I just broke my first guitar string ever.
Jonny: You're a real man now, Evan. There's some things we need to talk about.... (thanks to Judith)

My boyfriend, after I told him I was going to go see Biv, and he identified Evan as the guy that looks like a girl, and I said he looked kind of like me:
Well, I'm not going to kiss him.
Me: You probably shouldn't kiss anyone in the band. You don't know where they've been.
Him: What's worse, I can probably guess.
Me: You can guess, but you don't KNOW.

"This picture of Biv makes me laugh... you've got Suicidal Emo Kid, Crotch Holder, Child Molester, and 12-Year-Old Lesbian Boy. WTF... I bet that band sucks. Hahaha." -Taylor

"I was looking for Jump pix to put on my binders ('cuz I'm cool like that) and just looking through a lot of people's pix, you would think Matt was his own band. Jeez! There are 4 other people who are (almost) as hot as him! Give them a chance!" -Rachel Ann

"Have you ever noticed that you never hear anything bad about Wardism on the news? Wait a sec.... I mean Buddhism." -Angela S. talking to friend Taylor B.

"There's something about a man playing cello while staring incessantly at your chest that will ring a girl's bell. And his tongue is long. But he is not Matt Bivins." -soifeau

"I should be a Jay girl. I want to be a Jay girl. I don't ever talk to him. It's safe." -Amy

"And if you're gonna be a deathly skinny nerd you might as well go for the geek-chic indie hipster look. Tight vintage tshirts, thick-framed glasses, tight jeans." -kidcore on the TWOP forums, re: the show "MADE"

"But people who are actually friends with the band that stalk them after the show just aren't cool 'cause they ruin it for the real stalkers that the band members don't really want to talk to." -Alicia

"No, it's just sort of an... abbreviation. You know." -Jay when Alicia asked him if they were really changing their name to just Jump

"for you cannot turn
off body parts once it has
started matt matt why" -Laura G.'s "haiku"

"Somewhere in between a melancholic French aching and extreme gay sensuality...." -story (I'll credit it in a sec)

"I saw Jump Little Children last week when they opened for Howie Day in Boulder Colorado.... I don't know if anyone else has seen them but they are a pretty good band" -Tinker's Punishment message board

"Everywhere we go, all over the country, people have been saying 'Anne says hi.'" -Matt

"I don't even understand, but it's wonderful." -Matt about Emily's Brak costume

"We always end up in the bathroom at the same time." -Pip
"You're not supposed to talk to me in the bathroom." -Matt (re: an earlier conversation)

"If they start a Halloween show with 'Vertigo,' I'm going to punch them all in the groin." -me (they started with "Vertigo")

"Jay Clifford on the... the voice. The singing." -Matt, attempting to give credit

"Evan has just informed me that he will go down on you if you win [the costume contest]." -Jay
"And believe me, it's worth it." -Jonny

"He's not in a band. He's not in a band. Only if they're in a band." -Laura V. re: some skeevy Days Inn guy

"Dear Opium, I showed Jonny my tits and it was great. You think an orgasm feels good? You don't know how great it is to show Jonny your tits." -Jonny

"Goodnight." [click] -Jonny
"Jonny just tucked us in, dude." -Laura V.

"Now Jonny's going to tell them all that we talk about their penises." -"some anonymous girl," in dismay
"Yay." -me, in total seriousness

"Some random guy shouts, 'The guy on the acorrdian is a pimp daddy!' Matt says, 'What??? [mumbles something not even close to what was said and complains about the ear pieces.]' Guy shouts again and Matt replies, laughing: 'I am the pimp daddy.' Looks at a few girls randomly and jokes, 'I got a deal for you all after the show.' Later: sings 'He is not the embodiment of the pimp daddy' in 'The Singer.'" -Lauren M.

"Now I see why you don't try and crash with the band at their hotel. I saw that dump outside, and that is their hotel. I can't blame you anymore." -a bartender to Lauren M., within earshot of Matt

"Yeah, it's not an official holiday unless there's a goofy picture of Ward involved." -Taylor

"The desire to clone a Jump guy has gone out the window. Now it's 'Let's clone Anne's boyfriend!'" -Amy

"I spent a week in Maine with my boyfriend. I had a ...very good time." -me
"Aw, you're so kinky." -Matt

"Well.... I finally got to see Matt and Jay make out. It wasn't all I had hoped for though." -Amy

"I'd like to think that we have some kinky fans out there." -Matt

"I HATE it when a band is playing a song and one of the guys walks over to another guy and says something in his ear and the other guy LAUGHS AND LAUGHS like Chris Rock is doing a monologue in his head. And then they get all smug like 'We just shared a private joke that you, the audience, will never know anything about because we're special and we're musicians and we're playing in this smoky half-filled bar on a rainy Friday night and we're Gods and you should worship us because every single private joke we share is HILARIOUS, motherfuckers.'" -Uncle Bob

"Jay does a lot of things, and no one knows why, or how, or if he will ever do them again...." -me

"'The Singer' is playing in the background:
This is why I spent so much time making love to you
in your arms I was searching for things that were true.

'I really don't think that's why.'" -Ross, age 11 (from Hannah E.)

"I wonder how Matt would feel if he knew that the first time through those pics, I paid more attention to the Johnny Cash poster behind him than I did to his manly beauty." -Jasmine

"Looks kinda like Matt, only scarier." -99x's Matt Jones, trying to describe Evan

me: i got all the matt hugs in the world
brooke p: awwwwwwwwww
brooke p: i'll relay that to the lady at work who calls him "his high holy cuteness"

Grace: Two things make the world go round: ice cream, and Jump.
Amanda M.: That's an Anne quote if I ever heard one!

"As for songs they don't play anymore... Jimi Hendrix hated 'Hey Joe,' 'cause he started feeling like a jukebox. Check out the live at the BBC album- Jimi: '"Hey Joe" is just a stepping stone, it's not really representative of what we're trying to do now.' Some white guy: 'Would you play 'Hey Joe' for us now?'" - my boyfriend

"Skintight has the hottest lead singer since... since... Jay Clifford!" -Matt

"One has to wonder whether the leads, Matt Bivins and Jay Clifford, sang with their eyes closed for focus or to avoid pitching innuendos to ninth-graders." -Philip McFee, Daily Tarheel

My dad: We have tickets for the game where Jump will be singing the national anthem.
Me: They're not going to be singing the national anthem.
My dad: Well, what are they going to do? Stand around and look pretty?

A quote from the movie "My Favorite Year":
--Do you think there are funny people and not funny people?
--Yes, definitely. On the funny side there are the Marx Brothers, except Zippo; the Ritz Brothers, no exceptions; both Laurel and Hardy, and Woody Woodpecker. On the unfunny side there is anyone who has ever played the accordion professionally. -courtesy Amanda Monson

"This was actually a good bit sexier than it looks in this photo." -Matt

"I have come full circle in my fandom. I have seen someone strip to a Jump, Little Children song.... Our friend Casey chose 'Darkest Love' as one of her numbers for the evening. And you know, sleaziness aside, it was actually quite awesome." -Brooke P.

"Oh the time well-spent mocking the largeness of both of Clifford's heads. It's like a credit card commercial, really: Time spent following J,LC like a madwoman: five years. Value of mocking the oddities and infirmites of its members: priceless!" -Holly

Ward: Suffice to say that Matt is a dirty perv.
Matt: I am NOT a dirty perv! I'm FUNNY.

"Lately it always sounds like Ward needs rosin and then I'm forced to make dirty comments about rosining his bow for him." -Taylor

"Now I'm pregnant!" -Matt (after he downed a shot on stage during the Georgia Theater 9-23-04 show) (thanks to Amanda Monson)

"We have CVs... DCs... We have STDs!" -Matt trying to promote merch (thanks to Amy)

"Oh, my God. That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard." -Matt when told about my boyfriend moving from 1200 miles away to 14 miles away from me

"As I sit in front of the computer (why, oh, why, wasn't there a 'Biggest Geek' category for this year's Opies? I would have won, hands down!!) cradling last year's 'Most Crushable' Opie award/coffee mug in my hands filled with hot chocolate... I am cradling the cup for warmth, because I am also lying on my bed, naked, admiring myself in the mirror I keep positioned overhead, just to make sure that every day begins with my wakening realization that I do indeed look great without clothes on... I am sitting in front of the computer, naked, with hot chocolate that is burning my hands, I keep spilling it because I am distracted by a desire to read a book that my room mate has left for me to read ('for my own good, not yours,' he wrote, in big black letters on the cover), a book called ADHD Secrets of Success, by Thom Hartmann, because late at night he and I talk about our plans to conquer the world. I don't really think that he'll do it, you know, conquer the world, because, of course, he's gay, and gay people aren't even allowed to get married, what are they thinking, so they'll never ever be famous, not like Elton John or Rock Hudson or Keanu Reeves... Whoops, I'm sorry. I digress, because I am indeed 'afflicted' with ADD. In other news, I have also been told by people that I'm very close to that they have a crush on me. They like the way I play the harmonica. Sometimes this flattery gets them everywhere, and they end up seeing me naked, which delights them to no end." -Matt

"Jay'd be like 'Baruch ata... oh, shit!'" -Judith and her roommate, discussing what it would be like if Jay (and Jump) celebrated Hannukah

"Talking to Matthew Bivins is like going to the (women's) restroom. There's always a line, sometimes you leave feeling refreshed and other times, just disappointed, but you just gotta go." -Alison K.

Jay: It always makes me feel really good when after an accordian solo someone goes 'Yeah!' So thanks, whoever that was.
Matt: I felt the same way except because I'm really hard on myself I thought that he was just really excited that the accordian solo was done and the guitar solo was starting.
Jay: That's not true, is it?
Ward: That was a good one, Mattie. There were nice intervalic leaps. I enjoyed that.
Jay: *in really nerdy voice* We went to music school. I think.... Didn't we? We did go to school to study music? Had to remember.
Matt: You did. I studied something else.
Jay: What was that?
Matt: Ballet dancers.

"I had a dumb Jay moment before I even met him. At my first show he walked by before and I hit my friend and said much too loudly 'That's Jay, the hot singer' and he heard and turned around looking at us." -Mary Ann

"I'm beginning to think I'm in Romper Room when I read Opium these days." -Manashi

"You're so cold and tiny!" -Matt outside Music Farm as he brings Sarah into a hug (courtesy Amanda Monson)

"Evan's really bad about making sound check on time. He dashes from the bathroom with 30 seconds to spare, and starts drumming with half a burrito stuffed in his mouth." -Hugh Swaso (courtesy Amanda Monson)

"I think we should start our own listserv, where people are grammatically correct, not insane, and able to buy alcohol." -Manashi

Volunteer coordinator: "So you're pretty much wide open about what you'll do as long as you see Jump, Little Children." Emily Burrows: "Well, yes. Yes, exactly." Volunteer coordinator: "You've got to see Jump, Little Children. You and everyone else at the festival."

"Wouldn't it be great if this was the last show, because I was dying?" -Jay, with a cough

"When Jump took the stage, someone yelled, “I like your hair!” to Matt–the accordionist/mandolinist/tin whistle-ist–who’s all sorts of blonde right now. He told us that this is his “blonde ambition tour”, which made the cellist, Ward–who’s been blonde for what seems like forever–a little upset. He said, “It’s just blonde complacency for me." -Katie Ett

Me, advising Olivia to buy a bag of Swedish meatballs at IKEA, which she is visiting before the Jump show tonight: You could give them to the band. "HERE I BOUGHT YOU A BAG OF SWEDISH MEATBALLS!" And they'd be pretending to be nice, like, "Thanks!"

Me: I'm just remembering all the times when I really wanted to stand in line early. "Oh my God I already have tickets but I have to get in line!"

The following four quotes were collected by Liv:

Random guy in audience: "Dancing-Virgin-YA!"
Jay: "That's the best thing that has happened all tour. But it's only the first night."

Jay, about "Matchbox Whistler": "There's a third verse of this song that I'd really like to remember."
Jonny: "We'll stay on this fucking F chord for as long as it takes."

Dick Prall: "Jay has a really good voice. Son of a bitch."

Matt: "And half-way through, I'm just going to start faking it."

Lindsay Jean: There's a place in Chicago that sometimes has foie gras hotdogs.
Matt: Foie gras? Ohhhhhh, I love foie gras.
Lindsay: It's good?
Matt: It's incredible.
Lindsay: Ugh. Isn't it liver?
Matt: Noooo, it's so much more than that. It's like liver PLUS. *makes plus sign with fingers*

From Lindsay Badeaux: Ward (as we are about to leave for the airport with Biv): "You take good care of my boy, now.... You're carrying precious cargo!"

Me to Matt: I can't believe I just said "I didn't recognize you from the back."
Matt: That's because I wasn't standing up.

Me to Crystal, when she told me that Jay's son is due in early January (he later said it was January 6, which I interpreted as meaning they'd scheduled a C-section -- SURPRISE): That's cutting it pretty close [to Dock Street]. He should have thought that through. [Apparently it's not going to be a C-section, but the funny part still works]

"They taught me how to exist in a massive group of people. They showed me what it's like to be flexible. They taught me how to drink and smoke and dance like no one's watching. They showed me what it's like to be shaken to the core by a melody. They gave me the opportunity to fit in while standing out." -Nerin

"Manashi and I were talking about how distracting it would be to have Jump play at one's wedding." -Me, 2001

Little Jimmy: “Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!”
Mom: “Now Jimmy, you can’t do both!”
(from Frank, via Olivia)

Go back.

Do you have any quotes to submit? e-mail me: anne@seven-days.org
AOL IM: martinezanne
Also, let me know if you see quotes repeated. I'm starting to think I might be lapping myself and it gets hard to remember what quotes are already up.

© 1998 - 2005 Anne Martinez
contents are original unless otherwise credited.
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