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"Jay also told the funniest story of the night - strangely enough, it was just before Cathedrals. He started talking about holding up lighters because this was the be stadium ballad, then he started asking who had ever been to a Rush concert. Then he got off on this tangent some of you may have heard before. He talked about being 15 years old and at a Rush concert standing down by the stage and being pressed up against this beautiful 24-year-old girl in spandex pants and a tube top. He said when the lights went off just before the band started, this girl wrapped her legs around his waist and gave him this huge peppermint lip gloss kiss. He said it was the strangest, sexiest thing that had ever happened to him and 'That, ladies and gentlemen, is why I'm in the rock 'n roll business today.' Then Ward piped up 'Thank you Wonder Slut from Outer Space.' Then Jay sang Cathedrals which was a strange change of pace from the story. Then he said he hadn't finished the story. Ward said 'Part 2 of Wonder Slut from Outer Space.' Jay said he grabbed her by the hand and dragged her out in the hallway - remember the concert was just starting - and he looked at her in the eyes and said 'What is your name?' and she screamed at him 'F#*k you!' I guess she wanted to see Rush more than she wanted to mess around with Jay Clifford. What was the girl thinking??? I bet she's kicking herself today, wherever she is! Yes that little story brought the house down." -Vivian
"It seems like most Matt girls just need to calm the hell down." -Allison Huff
"You know, there's an ice cream called Bovinity Divinity. And it reminds me of Bivinity Divinity." -Shila
"I felt so good not talking to them last night. 'I don't fuckin' have to talk to y'all.'" -Lauren Huff
"Oh the many ways that the men of Jump, Little Children could eat a Creme Egg." -Alison K.
"Owen Beverly: Wal-Mart Ghost" -Vida
"That was violent. You could make a song -- 'Violent Sneeze.'" -Michelle
"I was scared, I was turned on, and I was confused. I don't know if any of you are scared, turned on and confused right now...." -Jay @ the Music Farm, 3.30.02
"Picture it (Sicily, 1934): Two Jump fans on IM, one missed the show and is all sad, the other one is telling her about it, and the one who missed it is like, but I'll see it on DVD! Voice over: Experience Jump, Little Children, anytime, in the comfort of your home... over and over and over again. J,LC: harder, faster, more. The DVD." -Erin's ad campaign
"I'm fucking Ozzy Osbourne! The prince of fucking darkness! Evil evil fucking evil! Not bubbles!" -The Osbournes
"It's a scientific fact, no one on Opium is capable of any physical violence. It's all repressed sexual tension, not psychotic dementia." -Adam DeLoach
"Though I do have a fear of heights, I would like to be one of those sexy girls on the high-flying trapeze." -Matt
"I'm going to be meditating in the morning and I don't want to deal with that shit." -Ward to Johnny Diamond (thanks Viv)
"Wardgirlness took care of itself; you have to manage Mattgirlness." -me
"[The upcoming poll] really captures the essence of Jump-girl-ness. The music. The sexual middle school-ness. The pointlessness." -Synne Sara
"Matt may now understand the ___girl phenomenon, but I doubt any of them will ever understand what we go through with the concert hoochies." -Alison K.
"Friends make friends feel dirty." -Chris
"We're gonna get crotched. It's gonna be right fucking there." -Crystal in the front row
"I'm scared." -Lauren Huff
"Me too." -me
"We're so fucking retarded. They probably look at us like, 'Oh my god.'" -Lauren Huff
"I sang that song for you from the bottom of my heart to get you some pussy." -Jay to Ward (who promptly ran over and licked Jay's cheek)
"I don't think OutKast is really their name." -me
"No! They're OutKast 1 and OutKast 2." -Evan
[People yelling requests after they have announced they're doing the national anthem]
"No! We're doing the national anthem." -Ward
"Girl, I'm sorry if I break your hand." -me
"I don't fucking care. I can't feel anything." -a giddy Crystal
"Horny chick fight! Horny chick fight!" -Crystal
"I yelled 'I Touch Myself' at the Variety [Playhouse] and everybody looked at me like I was fucking insane." -Tessa
"Who says we're not emo?" -Matt during "Body Parts"
"But you know! If J,LC fans didn't try to outdo each other about how well they know the band... the world would be ending." -Sara Miller
"At the 3/30 Charleston show, this random girl looks at me and says 'I am SUCH a Jay girl.' I say to her 'I'm a Matt girl, definitely a Matt girl.' Another girl looks at me and 'I am a Ward girl' to which my boyfriend Chris says 'Me too! I am definitely a Ward girl!'" -Amanda B.
"Well, you're still ahead of Jay." -me, talking about quiz results
"That's because Jay's scary." -Jonny
"Accordion music isn't just music, Garfield. It's a way of life. And you get to wear leather shorts!" -Jon
"Let's just leave it at that, okay, Jon?" -Garfield (thanks Brooke)
"I can't watch him any more.... I'm going to turn gay." -guy next to Amy at Charlotte show about Matt
"My legs hurt from jumping in Charlotte too. Just the calves, though, but I still can't walk right without pain. Not as bad as after the Chattanooga show, when I couldn't walk for a week without pain and both my upper and lower legs hurt. I was like, 'When I said I wanted to spend a weekend with Jump and not be able to walk afterward, this is not really what I meant.'" -me
"I wish I was a Matt girl. Being a Matt girl would be fun because he does shit on stage that turns people on. Evan just bangs on the drums." -Allison Huff
"If I were Matt Bivins I would be walking around thinking 'Damn. I know I look good right now." -Allison Huff
"Nothing says rock and roll like disgusting porn." -Gene
"When trading pics, or emailing, or making duplicates of Jump shows or just of Jump members - don't you feel like you are dealing in some underground business (like porn)?" -Stephanie W.
"What is it about band boys? Things that are repulsive in normal human beings are really cute in them. Promiscuity, not showering, excessive boozing, not having real jobs.... We are some sick fucks, girls." -Erin
"The complete and utter futility of it all is staggering. But it's still fun." -Adia
Mother: [looking at a picture from the acoustic tour] It's not often you see Jay on his knees.
Me: [five second silence of amazement]
Me: Yes. That's true.
Mother: Took a second to catch on there.
Me: I was trying to think of what to say.
Mother: Yeah, I just said it to get a rise out of you.
Mother: Show me that picture of Ward, since I'm secretly a Ward girl.
Me: That's a good picture. I wonder what he's looking at. He's probably looking at Jay.
"Nothing like the truth to temper the ___ girlness." -Erin
"Once, when we first moved to Chas., I actually... applied for a position at the GAP. I can't believe I'm admitting this... but it's true. We were BROKE. But I went in for the group interview and was actually asked 'What kind of candy bar would you be?' and, already sick of this job that I hadn't even gotten, said, 'Cadbury's Fruit and Nut... because I'm fruity... and nutty!' And I watched their faces fall, one by one." -Matt
"Oh Evan. I want to hit you. And then I want you to hit it. I think I just described the psyche of all Evangirls, everywhere." -Erin, ex-Jaygirl
"I can't decide if this is fun or if I feel really lame. Maybe it's both." -Adia
Ula: "...and Vanilla Ice kept telling all the ladies
to show him their titties."
Julia: "Why would anyone show Vanilla Ice their boobs?"
Evan: "So that after the show they could smoke his pole."
"Get some rest, Anne. I wouldn't be able to sleep if I knew you were covered in your own bile." -Matt
"Unless that's Matthew Bivins, you need to get off the phone and come eat." -my mother, unsuspecting
"I wanna have Jump's little children." -Blue
"Walking back to the street where I knew I had parked and seeing only a vacant stretch of curb just big enough for my car, a small part of me whispered that I should be concerned. But since most of me was still lost in the haze of the J,LC show and the only part of me I could really feel was a warm tingle right next to my lips where one of the guys had kissed me as I was leaving, I promptly hitched a ride home and decided not to even think about it until I woke up the next day. My dad still wonders why I have a 'live show hazard fund' in my monthly budget." -Resa
"I thought you meant Jump." -Manashi
"'Them' does not always mean Jump, Manashi." -me
"You know those plastic flowers from the early '90s where you turned them on and they would dance to music? That's Matt." -me
"This next song is not about getting naked. It's about thinking about getting naked." -Matt, "U Can Look"
"Okay, now just the Bulgarians." -Matt leading "You Are My Sunshine" and then proceeding to sing the chorus in what I assume was Bulgarian but who knows really
"You know Matt is burning up in that. But he has to wear layers so he can take them off." -me
Matt: Oh Anne! You look so much healthier since the last time I saw you! And you've gained so much weight!
Me: Fuck you!
"Ward thinks I'm an idiot. It's okay. So is he. 'Look at me! I'm going to climb a tree! Oh, let's hump a 13-year-old girl, Jonny, and while her dad is watching!' Dumbass." -Amy. Amy loves Ward. Really.
"Before 'Say Goodnight,' Jay told us that someone came up to him after a show and said (in a country accent) 'Is this song about masturbation?' The crowd laughed, and he was like 'Yeah!'" -Lauren
"I was explaining to my friend Brittney that all the boys are nerdy, they just have different degrees... Matt's the one that's nerdy, but knows and acknowledges it; Evan is trying to be cool, but is just a nerd; Ward is the king of nerdiness; Jonny is just goofy; and Jay is a nerd, but knows that he's hot enough that it doesn't matter." -Mary
"Don't forget crowded, standing-room-only concerts featuring attractive male musicians. Get there early, and stand near the front of the stage. Wait an hour or so, and soon you will literally have dozens of horny females pressed against you from all directions. Plus, since you are at this concert in the first place, they will think you are gay, and will find you less threatening." -Matt Shook
"Do you think their mom ever looks at her kids and thinks, Go me?" -Erin on Mary Lucy
"Matt Tours" -bus we saw in Times Square
"We're going to listen to you pee!" -Ward after telling us where the restroom was
"Jay's microphone stand fell down!" -Allison
"That happens to some of us." -Jonny
"Oh my God, that's Jay. Oh my God, that's Jay. The father of my children." -random woman behind us in Providence
"Jay tends to, uh, be sexual. Ward tends to, uh, try to be sexual." -Lauren
"We're going to hell!" -Allison, Lauren and I
"You know, my friends are gonna be there too." -Ward
"Are there going to be bells there, Ward?" -me
"I think there might be." -Ward
"Welcome to Bivins hell. Here's your mandolin." -Amy
"The crazy guy was amazingly talented and ridiculously funny [hehe...WATERFIRE!!!]. The awesome guy had such an awesome voice. The bassist was Irish squared, and any band with a guy who plays the stand-up bass is awesome. The celloist was amazing, his solos rocked, and his fills were surprisingly enhancing to the songs. The drummer was nothing special." -Questadilla
"Wouldn't THAT be a great poster to hold up at a concert - 'Impregnate me!'" -Amy
Erin: I guess I'm just not used to boys liking them. I can't handle it.
Me: It's weird. haha. It's like, why are you here? Music? What?
Erin: They're a BAND?!
Erin: Well, that explains all the instruments. I thought we were just paying $15 to talk to them later.
"Jay dedicated 'Say Goodnight' to everyone who had ever heard their roommate having sex with someone. Afterwards, Jonny informed us ladies that loud noise during sex was good. Ward added 'We like to know we're doing OK. We're insecure.' Just thought you'd all like to know that." -Vivian
"God, I've had so much Jump-related shaking. I could power a small town." -me
"Thank you for calling JLC - your multivitamin headquarters." - Amy's slip-up at GNC
"Rest your giant head!" -gymnastic teacher on The Simpsons
"Non-Tactile Multiple Orgasms, Name Withheld, New York City, NY 'Best Crowd Reaction.' Anne Martinez, 'Best Fan Webpage That Pulls No Punches,' three years running. (http://www.seven-days.org) From a Ward Girl to a Matt Girl, Anne Martinez, 'Most Intelligent Change of "_____Girl" Status.'" -Matt
"I'd recognize that pelvis anywhere." -me
"Who likes to fuck their girlfriends? Who likes to fuck their boyfriends?" -Jay
"Who likes to fuck guys in bands?" -Jonny
"Who likes to fuck Jonny's parents?" -Jay
"You are my religion, my only religion." -me during the special "Losing My Religion" version of "Pink Lemonade"
"I want to see you naked!" -Lauren Duffie to Matt upon him showing her his "Male Opiate We Most Want to See Naked" award
"Hey! Amy! He's a talented man! He can tie himself up!" -me about Matt
"Fifteen!" -the poster Amy made and she and I held up after "Body Parts" in Myrtle Beach
"We love you guys. But we're really sick of you, so go home." -Jay
"We need to have Jump, Little Cereal." -me
"We could have so many marshmallow shapes. Oh goodness." -Pip
"Ward! Matt's eating your birthday present!" -Amy about the brownies she made for Ward and Matt's birthdays
"That's okay. I'm used to him stealing things from me." -Ward
"Jesus fucking Christ!" -Rachel upon pulling out of the KFC bag what would become known as the Jay Clifford Potato Wedge
"I went without a show for 7 months." -me
"And you were fine, right?" -Matt
"No." -me, shaking my head
"Sometimes, I wish that the guys in that band could switch bodies with the fans for about ten minutes so they understand fully what goes on. I think they would be overwhelmed by the intensity." -Laura
"And when he was singing his little talking-like song, he swayed his hips just enough against the MICROPHONE POLE THING AND I ALMOST RAN ONTO THE STAGE BEGGING HIM TO HAVE SEX WITH ME HIS ARMS HIS ARMS HIS ARMS." -Heather
"I don't like it when fans shove things in my face. Here, do this, do that. That gets kind of, like, just go away. Most of the time they are really nice, though." -Britney Spears
"You know what I was thinking about? That if a girl ever said that she went to Jump shows for the music, I would have to reply 'Yeah, and guys only read Playboy for the articles.'" -Stephanie W.
"I'm studying exercise physiology at UNC-Chapel Hill. It's a pretty fun program. I have one more year to go. Most people don't know what exercise physiology is. It's funny... when I told Jay Clifford (since we're on the subject...) what I was studying and that no one knew what it was, he said 'Oh, I know what that is.' I said 'You do?!' He said 'Yeah... I mean, you exercise a lot... (long pause)... and it's good for you... (longer pause) ....that doesn't make any sense. You're right. I don't know. What is it?'" -Stacia
"Let me put down my IUD." -Judy Tenuda, putting down her accordion (thanks to Christine M.)
"So, do these guys really play children's music?" -guy in a record store to the girl that sent me the quote
"By the end of this week, you all will die of over-entertainment!" -Ward
"Yeah... over-entertainment." -Matt (thanks to Shanbabe99)
"All things can be explained if you ask your inner ____ girl." -Erin
"Crouching tiger, hidden Jump fan." -Allison Huff
"His charisma is like a separate entity that wanders around the room, nibbling on everybody's earlobes and sticking a hand down their pants while he sings." -Shack about American Idol's Justin, at Television Without Pity
"DO NOT listen to 'Darkest Love' if you have to pee... it complicates things." -Laura
"That's what we should start calling the after-show. Tool time." -Erin
"It's like getting a flat tire in the rain. You just end up wet and frustrated." -Erin
"Is that a superstar? He looks like a superstar. [to Diana] Doesn't he look like a superstar? I love that haircut." -my coworker Katrina, upon picking up a postcard Olivia sent me
"I like the nail polish." -my coworker Diana
"Oh, I didn't even see that. Yeah." -Katrina
"Real men wear nailpolish." -Diana
"They look like they smoke marijuana. They look like hippies who smoke marijuana." -Katrina
"They played 'Cathedrals' on 99x this morning and I felt like I had to go pee." -Manashi
"I don't fucking get it. I don't fucking get Jump, Little Children." -Brooks
Me: Mother. Off the top of your head, what would you want Matt Bivins to write an essay about?
My mother: Ice cream.
Me: No, really.
My mother: Ice cream.
"Why does Matt have to look like that... and do those things? It makes me hurt." -Amy
"What's a Matt girl to do? --That has too many answers." -Stephanie
"Of course when you talk about Jump, sex and money then you have all the fun you will ever need." -Stephanie
"Look at these. These are huge. These are Jay Clifford utensils." -me at T-Bonz
"I love Creme Eggs." -Matt
"You have the Jay Clifford cucumber in your mouth!" -Alison
"You really need to stop it, okay? Amy's gonna have a heart attack and I'm gonna beat you up." -me to Alison
"Yeah, it is. They're right there." -Julie
"I want you all to take thought showers." -Hedwig
"I don't want him to see us and think we're losers." -Alison, in complete seriousness, about Matt
"Look, Itzhak! Immigration! Matt Bivins!" -Hedwig, randomly, on stage
Amy: Anne's not a Matt girl anymore; she's a Lauren girl.
Lauren: I thought you were a Ward girl.
Me: Not for a few months now.
Lauren: I had a crush on Ward in 1994. The smart ones move on to Matt.
"See, how badly do you want to be stuck in that elevator, because it's hot and stinky and Matt wouldn't help the situation." -Alison
"They should have Jump, Little Children credit cards. That would be fitting." -me
"You know, I think I'm going to be Evan for Halloween." -me
"You could be Evan right now." -Gretchen
"Tin Whistles and Moaning" -Alison's hope for new album name
"If you want, we can go to the bathroom and settle this right now. Although you might be scarred for life." -Evan, denying that he is a women's size 4 in jeans (size 8 my skinny ass, he's a 2 if he's anything)
"I am an Anne girl!" -Lauren Duffie signing my Hedwig program
"Oh God, Jump people." -what we imagined Jonny was thinking upon seeing us at Southend Brewery to see Cary Ann
"Thinking about Matt makes me tired." -Stephanie
"They can't afford apathetic fans. Apathy don't pay the bills, boys." -Erin
"God, I'm reading other people's recaps of old shows. I need a hit. That's like licking an ashtray." -me
"You don't have to write all that if it's in the [harmonica] book." -harmonica student
"Yeah. Uh.... I like watching myself write it." -Matt
"I'll probably be walking around going [faking drunkeness] 'I put up with four years of this crap.'" -me
"Yeah. You should put that on a sign around your neck." -Matt
"Just what Jay needs. More fumes." -Brooke, watching the band spray-paint an art car after a show
"Clubs don't like us." -Matt
"Why?" -several of us
"I know why. Because little girls hang around after the show." -me
"Yeah, and no one buys any beer, and we act gay. They hate that." -Matt
"We love you." -Cha
"Matthew Bivins gushes goofy charisma as a Bible salesman and con artist." -Charleson City Paper article about "Like I Am"
"Matt, you're the gateway drug of Jump, Little Children. You're like the pot of Jump, Little Children." -Crissie
"That's an Anne quote if I ever heard one." -Matt (thanks to Alison for telling me that one)
"Because if he's not a musician, there is no reason for teenaged girls to be hugging an over-30 man." -Loni
"I don't know, sometimes you do stupid things because you're of fertile, childbearing age. I hate the word 'horny.'" -my coworker Laura after my Matt-ass grabbing story
"Yeah, you throw that phonebook off the table, Jay... you hot, hot man." -Alli Huff
"Cute Jay moment Friday. He had the megaphone... and was meant to say 'May I have your attention please?' but what came out was 'May you have my attention please!?' then a confused 'Whoa. That didn't make sense.'" -Megan
Ward: "Thanks for letting your daughter come see us all the time."
Amanda's mother: "It's not like I really have a choice, do I?"
Ward: "No, I guess not. But thanks anyway."
"Back in the crowd where you belong, underling!" -Jonny to some guy (thanks Chris)
"We hates the Bivinses. We hates them forever." -Frank (he doesn't really hate them; it's just funny, if you like Tolkien)
"To leave a message, suck your own dick." -Evan; part of a spiel he went off on when leaving Julie Harper a voicemail
"At least you chose a good band to collect useless facts about." -Frank
"Oohh. There's two Matts." -Amy, drunk, to me
"I just want to meet a guy who wears jeans as well as they do." -Megan
"I can just pay attention to the music and the dumb things they say." -Pip on the simple life of a straight male Jump fan
"God. I don't want to be a Mattgirl anymore. It hurts. Is there a medication I can take for this?" -Amy
"You know.... I really do love Matt for his mind." -Amy
"The concert is a polite form of self-induced torture." -Henry Miller (thanks Megan)
"Why does Ward drink water at all the wrong moments? It gets on my nerves. Right at the beginning, they've been playing 'Vertigo' for 3 seconds, and he's drinking water." -Matt Shook
"Jump girls are so sexy." -Matt Shook
"They're lucky I didn't kick their asses for the cell phone thing last time they were here." -Matt Shook
"Matt is above my sexual frustration level, I think. Only a true Matt girl can comprehend his sexiness." -Rebecca W. (Jay girl)
"Jay doesn't do anything for me. He's smelly and he spits." -Amy
"This guy rocks. He plays every instrument under the sun AND he sings. He acts really flaming. It's the greatest thing ever. Everything he does is sexual." -this girl Katie, about the L.A. show, picture captions
"This is Jay. I love him. He has the greatest voice I have EVER heard. I'm not even kidding. Nobody comes close to this guy. I want to steal him and put him in my room so he can sing me to sleep every night." -Katie's picture captions again
"You can imagine being with him, and having the greatest orgasm of your life, and you open your eyes, and there he is standing across the room, fully dressed." -Wanda Sykes-Hall on Prince
"You are the music while the music lasts." -T.S. Eliot
"Without Elvis, none of us could have made it." -Buddy Holly
"Words make you think a thought. Music makes you feel a feeling. A song makes you feel a thought." -E.Y. Harbug
"Music melts all the separate parts of our bodies together." -Anais Nin
"Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness." -Maya Angelou
"If I were not a physicist, I would probably be a musician. I often think in music. I live my daydreams in music. I see my life in terms of music." -Albert Einstein
"When I hear music, I fear no danger. I am invulnerable. I see no foe. I am related to the earliest times, and to the latest." -Henry David Thoreau
"You don't want to be left out of the fun, the music, the elation, or the sexual frustration you will experience at their electric, eclectic shows." -a very accurate anonymous reviewer here
"Jay didn't come out after the show, he was probably being all brooding and sensitive somewhere. Matt came out after the show, but I couldn't approach him because he was only there for a minute, and for that minute I was slack-jawed and paralyzed from being within an arm's reach of him. Whew, he had the sexy-ness on full blast that night. Do I sound like a horny teenager? I feel like one." -Joni
[Two little boys, both dressed as Batman with fake padded muscles, were in the lobby of the Red Lobster]
"Who is the REAL Batman?" -Manashi
"Why do those kids remind me of Ward?" -me
"I am watching the Jump DVD again. Jay often looks like he is in pain, dontcha think? It is so funny to me the faces he makes. ....I love when Jonny sings backup with his eyes closed. Ward is so funny. Matt tries SO FUCKING HARD to be sexxy that it makes me tired. Evan is like a very skinny angel, up on high. And of course Michael Bellar, an ambiguously gay duo unto himself." -Holly
"We're supposed to be there, we're not supposed to be watching it." -Meaghan about the DVD
"We're getting a lot of shots of Jay's butt. I'm becoming well-acquainted with it. I could probably draw it by now." -Meaghan about the DVD
"What, there's secret porno on here, too? 'Science!'" -Frank about the DVD
"Now I'm going to dance around the stage like an idiot." -me about Matt
"And record it for posterity." -Meaghan
"No, record Jay's posterior." -Frank
"I know that on stage, I may act like the best and most important member of Jump, Little Children." -Matt in the DVD
"Fact: Ward Williams is a known sexual deviant." -Jonny in the DVD
"The definition of perfection? I think not." -Jonny about Matt
"I really think Jay should cover Elvis." -me
"Yeah, that would be cool." -Manashi
"I'm not sure what song. Haha, 'Are You Lonesome Tonight?'" -me
"'Hound Dog'? HAHAHAHA." -Manashi
"Nah, if he had to do one he'd do better with 'Are You Lonesome Tonight' and then everyone would be Jaygirls." -me
"You know what? I think I'm a Matt girl now, too. It's bizarre." -Nick Doyle
"I must refrain from Jump contact the day before the big exam in an effort to keep my head on straight. They typically shake me up for a couple of days." -Stacia
"Most food slogans can be applied to Matt." -Manashi, after I got a "Hot, Fresh and Just For You" sticker on my sandwich at McDonald's and commented on it
"JUMP, MY BAD LITTLE BABIES!" -Alana
"Sure I like him for his mind - it's what controls his actions onstage." -Amy
"It's those giggly, obsessed girls that keep the band afloat. I suspect they would've gone their separate ways a long time ago if it weren't for the fan support, which mainly consists of those girls. We are their bread and butter." -Manashi
"Now that I've tasted the glory of being on the quote pages, I think How can I get on there again?" -my coworker Laura G.
"They don't seem like a band conducive to light. They are sexy. Sexy is dark. Sexy is not BLINDING FLUORESCENT LIGHT. It's harder to have an orgasm when you think people might be watching." -Laura P.
"Are we tithing?" -Laura G. watching as I gave Matt a bounce-ball
"I hate you.... I hate you so much.... You have no idea how much I hate you." -me to Matt during a hug
"Y'all, that was too much rock for one night." -Ann Renna
"I was like, 'Oh my God, you hurt me. Not like you hurt Anne, but you hurt me and I hate you.'" -Megan on being hit by flying handcuffs during a violent "Lannigans"
"You're like the queen of the fans, right?" -Matt Sterling, one of the DVD writers
"You should be glad you're not a Matt girl, because it takes over your brain like mad cow disease." -me to Laura G.
"I have no idea what he's saying but I really want to have sex now." -Patty during "Darkest Love"
"Remember that Tea Time where Matt said 'It's disconcerting to be treated like a piece of meat'? If we didn't know him, it'd be like treating him like a piece of meat. But we DO know him, so it's like... meat with a personality." -me
"Matt Bivins is SO not gay." -Nick's friend Bryan after Lauren Duffie had walked past them
"All I have to do is say 'Matt' and 'naked' in a sentence and an ordinarily intelligent, articulate woman's brain turns to mush." -Alison K.
"Maybe you should get rock star insurance." -Amanda to Steph upon Matt's going to move Steph's car
"I love these buttons." -Matt to me
"Jumpheads tend to be emotional." -Matt
"Yeah, that's because they're girls." -me
"J.J.'s a smart cat. You need to talk to him like he's ...Ward." -Amy
"Hi. You're awesome." -Megan
"Touch Jay, $5." -Pip
"Touch Matt, $50. Touch Ward, 50 cents." -me
"We'll pay you to poke Jonny and run." -Pip
"You have to be mean or a shallow perv to get quoted." -Pip
"Look how cute they are. They're cuter than Jump." -me about Sleater-Kinney on the cover of a magazine on stage (they're my second favorite band)
"What's funny is that Matt told me I looked ridiculous in my 80's get-up. MATT. Matt's '80's' outfit looked no different than what he usually wears. And what's funnier still is that he tried to tell a female fan he goes through 'feminine' and 'butch' phases. At best, Matt goes through 'feminine' and 'not so feminine' phases. Butch my ass." -Alison K.
"We don't get offended for Jay. We just make fun of him more. Someone says something about Jay's head? A Jay girl elaborates and makes it dirty." -Pip
"The mandolin is the bottom four strings of the guitar, backwards... so a person with dyslexia has no problem learning to play the mandolin." -Steve Goodman
"I beg to differ. I don't think that Matt is the gateway drug. He's like... I don't know, heroin or something equally as hard. I think perhaps Jay is like the 'gateway.' He's what gets you started, but Matt is what makes you stay and keep coming back for more. You know you should stop, but you can't because it's strangely exciting and inticing to your every sense." -Manda
"Evan! Do you have any food??" -me
"That banana is Evan's penis!" -Jenna P.
"I had a realization. I'm far enough from Matt for him to not see me looking at him, but not close enough to see him very well." -me to Missy
"How do I tell him that he's not a bad teacher? It's just that girls like to pay $35 to spend time with him." -Stacey about Matt's lessons
"Dammit, I'm a piece of sex.... Look at me!" -Julie about Matt
"I am Matt Bivins and everyone listens to what I say." -Matt Sterling trying to get the crowd's attention
Mom: "Why would you want to take up the guitar?"
Brendon: "I'm a boy from the suburbs. It's my destiny." ("Home Movies," thanks to Matt Shook)
"Certain tonal qualities actually evoke sexual arousal." -Michael W. Fox, B.V.M., Ph.D., vice-president of bioethics and farm animal protection for the Humane Society of the United States in Washington, D.C.
"Birthday of Niccolo Paganini (1782-1840), who is considered by some to have been the first musical superstar. He was known to have produced giddiness and ecstatic collapse among female members of his audiences despite his largely unchanging facial expression during performances. So overwhelming was his virtuosity with the violin, on which he occasionally played complex compositions with a single string, that the Church imagined his talent and appeal to have come as a result of an alliance with the devil. At one point, Paganini felt compelled to display letters from his parents, which he hoped might dispel these rumors and prove his human origins. Even after making this odd gesture, he was denied a proper Christian burial until thirty-six years after his death." -"Forgotten English" desk calendar, Jeffrey Kacirk
"Does Matt dress like a normal person on Halloween?" -Amy's sister
"I'm not my brother's keeper! I'm not my brother's keeper!" -Matt during Evan's drunkeness at Boone (thanks Amanda Thaxton for this and the other Boone ones)
"I have some things to say! ONE! Shut the fuck up! TWO! I think I'm gay!" -Evan in Boone
"You and Evan don't look like brothers." -Ally D. in Boone
"That's because we didn't used to be brothers." -Matt
"Oh! I get it now!" -Ally D.
"...I was kidding." -Matt
"Who wants to see my penis? Which one of you wants to taste it?" -Evan, once again in Boone
Wow. I seriously need to get some classy, non-Bivins related quotes up in here.
"We travel horrendous distances and ruin our bodies (as I did this weekend) just to get a hug and a short convo." -Adia
"I wouldn't trust anybody who didn't like dogs or Jump, Little Children. Those people should be avoided." -Julia
"After reading some of these quotes on Anne's page I'm kind of glad that I'm not attracted to J,LC. It sounds painful." -Amy's sister
"Do you do this often?" -Laura P. to me
"What, act like a tool?" -me as we waited after the NYC show
"We think you remind us of a vampire." -me
"Anne! ...Sometimes I dress up as a vampire." -Matt
"You're a rock star! You get worshipped by thousands of people for doing things that would make ordinary people seem gay!" -Homer to Mick Jagger, "The Simpsons" (thanks to Manashi)
Manashi's friends: "Are you sure Ward is the one you like? Because well, he looks... uh, well... Matt looks really good this time. I mean he's more masculine and Ward seems more... uh.... well, are you sure Ward isn't gay?"
Manashi, indignant: "Wait till you see him dance."
"Two guys got into a fight, Matt." -Steph
"Isn't that how it usually goes?" -Matt
"Um, no, not after a Jump show." -Steph
"The Mattgirl Pledge: [holds up two fingers] I swear, on my honor, that I will rescpect all Mattgirlness no matter what the content(probably sexual), eat lots of chocolate and carry around nailpolish with me at all times. I will refrain from making cruel comments about his weird clothing because I, being of (not so) sound mind, think anything looks good on the man. All this for myself, Matthew and Mattgirls everywhere. Amen." -Amy
"Amy needs some Matt-lovin.'" -Amy's friends at her birthday show
"What, does she want sex?" -Matt
"Anne, do you listen to any other bands besides Jump, Little Children?" -Laura K. at work
Laura K.: Dammit, now that song's in my head. I'm going to think of a Jump, Little Children song to get it out.
Me: Yeah, I was going to suggest that.
Laura K.: But it's a sexy song, and that makes me feel bad.
Me: Makes you feel what?
Laura K.: Bad, because I don't have anyone here to....
Me: Yeah. What song is it? "Body Parts"?
Laura K.: Yes! It's always "Body Parts." I love that song. ...Now get it out of my head.
Me: What, "Body Parts"?
Laura K.: Yeah.
"They're so lucky; they can kiss each other whenever they want. Bastards." -Emily Provost
"Wow, now everyone knows the sick thoughts that go through my head." -Emily Provost
"Welcome to the quote page." -Amy
"There are two Jonnys. There should never be two Jonnys." -Amy, drunk
"Mattgirls have more fun." -Emily Provost
"We have more fun because we like the torture." -Stacey
"I just remember this surge of girls behind me. Like, 30 girls tried to get in front of us so they could touch Matt. And his hot ass." -Pip about the Atlanta show when Matt fell off stage
"Jay was singing 'I know it hurts,' and I was like, 'You have no idea.'" -Amanda
"I just realized something. We're the annoying drunk Mattgirls." -me
"Stop it. You're just encouraging him." -me to Crystal while she took pictures of Matt
"C is for chaos." -Jonny
"C is also for cheeky." -Ward
"Look what I got. Furry panties." -Ward
"Why do we always do this before songs like 'Cathedrals'?" -Jay after goofing off occurred
"Ward rocked his glasses off." -Jonny
"Assume the position." -Matt before "Pink Lemonade"
"Most of my latest quotes have been me, drunk. Look at this. They're turning me into a fucking alcoholic." -Amy, sober
"Oh, their fans are dying and they don't give a SHIT. Fuck you, Jump, Little Children." -Amy, coughing in the cold post-show
"I'm not bringing a whip to an acoustic show." -Steph
Laura K.: Aren't they the ones who kiss each other sometimes?
Me: ...No; none of them kiss each other.
Laura K.: That's not what I heard.
Me: Oh wait, yeah they do.
Laura K.: See??
[Would you believe we're in our 20s?]
"See, I have a problem with people who think they're 'all that' and yet they're nerds." -Laura G. on why she might not be a Ward girl
"Jaaaaaay. His voice is like Matt's hips." -Stacey
"Jump, Little Children! God, what a bunch of pricks!" -some med. student guy (thanks, Matt Shook) (no, we don't know the story behind that)
"Elvis Presley is astonishingly cool, playful, and teasing -- he knows he's the most potent rocker on earth, and withholds his sexuality with insolent wit." -Ken Tucker's review of "Ed Sullivan's Rock 'N' Roll Classics," Entertainment Weekly
"Anne, you're like Santa Claus. You deliver Jay's package." -Amanda on my files
Laura G.: I don't know if men like having their tongues measured.
Me: I bet Ward does.
Laura K.: By a big-breasted woman, no doubt.
"Nic Cage gets me every time. Captain Corelli's Mandolin. He's all, 'Oooh, I will seduce you with my giant head and my mandolin.' Like, step off and quit trying to make that hideous little non-guitar thing sexy. It's the pretentious man's banjo." -Fametracker forum: "Stars I Hate"
"He doesn't have Attention Deficit Disorder; he has Attention Disorder." -my mother about Matt
"He is going to read that and he is going to like, hate you forever." -me (slightly intoxicated)
"If you live in rock and roll, as I do, you see the reality of sex, of male lust and women being aroused by male lust. It attracts women. It doesn't repel them." -Camille Paglia
"Anne, I love you, but you're a Jump tool." -Missy
Amy's sister: I want lessons from Ward.
Amy: Okay. Cello lessons or guitar?
Amy's sister: Neither, really.
Amy: What kind then?
Amy's sister: He can teach me how to be in an '80s hair band.
On to the next page
Do you have any quotes to submit? e-mail me: email@example.com
AOL IM: martinezanne
Also, let me know if you see quotes repeated. I'm starting to think I might be lapping myself and it gets hard to remember what quotes are already up.
� 1998 - 2004 Anne Martinez
contents are original unless otherwise credited.
this site is not affiliated with jump, little children.