"quotes 5, good god!"

warning: this page has bad words which can cause insanity and death

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"You all look very very willing, and we appreciate that." -Jay, Ziggy's, 11.27.96

"Is everybody warm enough? All of a sudden it's just, uh, frighteningly hot up here." -Jonny, Ziggy's, 11.27.96

"I'm not sure if this is a fanbase or a circle jerk." -Erin

"Brandin says the band is stuck with each other since 'the magic [they] make onstage' is so blah blah blah band mythologycakes." -Alex Richmond, "Bands on the Run" recap

"I love the first song on this CD, simply because I expect them to walk out onstage in my room. Like this'll magically summon them. 'Hey, are you listening to David Mead?' 'You rang?'" -Erin

"Where were we? We were talking about Jump...." -me to Manashi

"'Hey guys, look at this! I piled furniture on top of Ward, and he's STILL asleep!' 'What? That's the coolest thing I've heard all day!' 'Get the camera!' God, they're lame." -Erin, who kids because she loves

"Rock and roll means to have sex. Sad rock and roll means to not have the sex but to be wanting it very badly." -Dan Carey of Portland area band The Johnson Trio (thanks to Brooks)

"The Tao of Jump. I am a dumbass, but so are they. We are one." -Erin

"They're not as scary as Mattgirls, or as horny as Jaygirls, or as weird as Jonnygirls, or as ... deluded as Evangirls.... Wardgirls are just right." -Erin

"Speak to us, oh beautiful one! Tell us how you make that glorious sound that even now, in anticipation of it, has reduced me to a snarling, raging, panting jungle beast!" -Ursula Merkle, from "Bye Bye Birdie" (thanks to Alison)

"Opium is a hard mistress, cheri." -Doghouse Roses, Steve Earle

"The true test is when you get an idea of what they're really like... and you STILL like them." -Erin

"Angel Dust -- The Ramones' number one fan!" "Oh, so you're a groupie!" -"Rock and Roll High School"

"Hell, Jump, Little Children is obsessed with Jump, Little Children!" -Erin

"We are made HAB by Jump. Jump is made HAB by Jump, and also by making us HAB. We are one." -Erin

"A bulge is a very exciting thing to a 16-year-old girl." -"From the Waist Down," VH1

"Who needs a woman -- when you've already got a guitar?" -"From the Waist Down," VH1

"I used to try to hump the guitar." -C. C. DeVille

"Furious Rose, with your opiate eyes,/ your languorous hum, that tone of surprise. / I've heard energy in adversity. / Your smile: the soul of witchery, / You're not running away, / you're not running - are you?" -Lisa Loeb, "Furious Rose" (thanks to Alison)

"BOYS! Argh. There should be a ban on boy Jump fans. But then who would tape shows and know all the boring pointless technical crap? We can't rely on the gay boys for that." -Erin

"See, if they didn't like us or thought we were insane, we'd have an intervention or a cutdown. So far we just have condescension! We're in great shape!" -me

"I know they're broke and all.... But damn, so are we because of them. They had the money last." -Megan (who added "I love them too much. I'd give them all my money if I could.")

"The music, of course, live after so much stereo obsession, stained my heart instantly. I was frozen in my seat. Chaos ensued all around me (the openers for the opening band don’t get so much attention sometimes) but I rejoiced motionlessly, my lips burning and my fingers tingling." -Kristen

"Matt was dressed as a devil with sequins everywhere and crazy makeup and his tongue flicking out. He moved around the stage like a younger, snakier Bono and I was furious at him for wasting Jay's precious air time with his idiotic antics. This first impression must have been the fever or the 100 rows of conversations and hackey sack tournaments going on between me and the stage. I've since planned several 1,500 mile road trips just to see Matt and his 'idiotic antics.'" -Kristen

"Jay was understated and steady and wore the look you get when you sit on a hot vinyl car seat in a wet bathing suit. But now I realize he kind of always looks like that." -Kristen

"My sister used to work at Blockbuster Video, and Ward (he's the only one that came into the store that I can remember) came in to rent a video. He was making smalltalk with her and asked her what she was doing later that night. She said she might go see a band called Jump, Little Children (this was late '95/early '96... when they used to play at the Music Farm every Tuesday night) at the Music Farm. Ward proceeded to say 'They suck, don't go see them.... They're not very good.' We went to see them anyways." -Thomas

"How's my little sugar honey bunny?" -my dad to my mother (I know the wording isn't quite right, but he doesn't know that song so it was weird)

"Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life." -Chris Rock

"I wish I could be a deviant in a band." -Julie

"If I join the band, then I can get some!" -Trix Rabbit, Trix commercial (thanks to Julie)

"I asked Matt, 'Do your fans hate me?' and he said 'I don't know, probably.'" -Lauren

"Can I marry this band? The whole damn band." -Erin

"I've only had two orgasms in my life and I'm 'bout to have the third one." -Megan

"This band hates us so much." -me

"This show might actually get me pregnant." -Erin

"This is like 'Heavy Metal Parking Lot.'" -Jay, in the parking lot after we got kicked out of Legion Field

"If you can't fuck your friends, who CAN you fuck?" -Jonny

"Rock and roll is the place where we can express our sex, express our needs, our desires, our lusts. Our stupid lust." -Ann Powers

"The tools of the frontman are often used to tease and to imply. On the other hand, the sexual prop of the guitarist is about as straightforward as it comes." -"From the Waist Down," VH1

"It would seem impossible to deny the connection between the guitar and the phallus -- unless, of course, you're a guitarist." -"From the Waist Down," VH1

"Rock and roll partnerships, male partnerships, are so important -- that homoerotic bond. So you had this man expressing his own sexuality through another man -- that's very transgressive and pretty hot." -Ann Powers

"It might be really strange for us to imagine the accordion as a sexual instrument, but who knows, if that had been the foundation of rock and roll, we may be in a totally different place today." -Lisa Palac

"Joey Ramone said that you could put the ugliest guys in the world in a band and they'll get laid. Joey Ramone was right." -Margaret Moser

"Your ears are full but you're empty/ Holding out your heart/ To people who never really/ Care how you are" -Blur, "Coffee and TV"

"There's nothing as beautiful as the stupid, self-destructive love of a girl for a band." -Erin

"I figured out why girls love musicians so much. It's the way their eyes seem to be haunted. It's when they have so much passion for what they are doing and what they are singing. To us it seems like they're pouring out their souls to us, when any other guy would never have the guts to do that. They make us feel a part of them, like we're included." -unknown (found by Claire)

"I think if Evan took his shirt off he'd probably catch a cold. Or you could see his heart, like E.T." -Julie

"'Ooh, boobies! Give me a hug!'" -Julie

"You don't want me to be an author because of the book tour and the groupies." "Now there's a sad bunch of women." -Raymond and Debra, "Everybody Loves Raymond" (thanks to Brooke)

"Like we don't know that they're nerdy girly tools. Like it's classified info." -me

"'Don't worry, milord. That Ward girl will come to her senses. Probably find herself a nice English cricketer.'" -from some random story

"Very delicious. Got cello?" -Cookie Monster after devouring several instruments (thanks to Julie)

"You know the warning on McDonalds' coffee? 'Caution: contents extremely hot'? I think tickets to their shows need something like that. Some sort of disclaimer." -Brooke

"I think everyone goes through the same thing with Matt: Lust - Fear - Amusement." -Gretchen

"To be on Anne's quote page is to be accepted into the society of clever Jump people." -Gretchen

"I like the word 'hoochie.' It's a universal term. Everyone knows what one is, and no one thinks that it's them." -Gretchen

"Ward would try to preach nonviolence." -me
"Then they'd be like 'Shut up, Tongue Boy,' and punch him in the throat." -Julie
"Basically." -me

"Whenever I decide to simplify matters by pretending to be a straight-up lesbian (no pun intended), along come affable Southern guys who play the cello, have scruffy beards, and build their own furniture to remind me otherwise." -Jasmine

"Well, the cello is the most remarkable instrument on the planet. As far as I'm concerned there is no other instrument that produces such a beautiful and mellow sound. It also produces this somewhat erotic tone to it. It can be sweet and innocent, while at times being down right naughty. I don't know but if you've ever noticed... it kind of has the shape of a woman. Hey, all I know is Ward plays a giant phallus (guitar) and a woman (cello).... Hmmm.... There's something very sexual about this...or maybe I'm just crazy." -Samantha

"Without music to decorate it, time is just a bunch of boring production deadlines or dates by which bills must be paid." -Frank Zappa

"What's best in music is not to be found in the notes." -Gustav Mahler

"Good music is good music and that should be enough for anybody." -Brad Nowell

"Music is everybody's possession. It's only publishers who think that people own it." -John Lennon

"Why are they writing sad songs? They are young boys. They should be writing about happy things." -Manashi's mother about "15 Stories" (read in an Indian accent)

"I tend to like bands with really attractive lead singers." -Dave

"We groupies are aimless without our groups!" -Shannon

"How come Ward gets to be Jesus?" -Erin

"Hey you guys! I love you. You're crescent fresh! You make me feel weird all the time." -Chester, "Sifl & Olly"

"The larger you get the bigger the disconnect with your audience gets and that starts to get scary." -Carrie Brownstein, Sleater-Kinney

"Aaaah! The lickable wallpaper! Why do I get an image of Ward licking walls?" -Julie, watching "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory"

"You never see anybody push up their glasses and go, 'I'm gonna kick your ass. Yeah, I am.'" -comedian (that balding dude with the light blond hair and glasses)

"Music is the most physically inspiring of all the arts." -Frank Zappa

"Ward Jones" -name

"We played orchestra in school. We were 'Ork Dorks.' And on weekends I was a banjo nerd." -Emily from the Dixie Chicks

"Music, the greatest good that mortals know, and all of heaven we have below." -Joseph Addison

"Music is well said to be the speech of angels; in fact, nothing among the utterances allowed to man is felt to be so divine. It brings us near to the infinite." -Thomas Carlyle

"I've always felt rock and roll was very, very wholesome music." -Aretha Franklin

"I think my fans will follow me into our combined old age. Real musicians and real fans stay together for a long, long time." -Bonnie Raitt

"Is it not strange that sheep's guts should hale souls out of men's bodies?" -Shakespeare [at last, class comes to The Quote Pages]

"The most perfect expression of human behavior is a string quartet." -Jeffrey Tate

"Wow, there's nothing like playing a mandolin to make you look like a dumbass." -Erin

"I wonder if they do the same thing we do: walk away and go 'Why'd I say that?'" -Erin

"Don't ever trust a member of a band if they say they're going to do something." -Brooke

"Do you think they pay their friends to play with them?" - Manashi, poorly phrasing a question about Mikes Bellar and Winger

"You're getting trashed on milkshakes? What are you, Ward?" -me

"What's up with the band guys living in shacks?" -Erin

"First of all, I have the beautiful rock hair." -Moltar, "Space Ghost"

"Ward is a sweetheart with a cool backpack and a long tongue." -Dresden

"They don't do what we tell them to do." -me
"Well, they should." -my dad

"'Too much Jay, not enough Matt.' Sounds like a bumpersticker." -my dad

"What's Jay gonna say about that?" -my dad
"Who cares? I'm not a Jay girl." -my mother

"Oh my god, it's like the Talmud." -my dad, looking at the "Vertigo" liner notes

"You'd figure with a head like that, he'd be a little quicker...." -Allen

"I may not find Jonny that attractive but he does have some nice legs." -Julie

"Too many naked stories. Too many people to keep up with." -Megan

"Because of their hip fashion sense and quirkily engaging shows, Jump has developed the reputation of being teen idols, but make no mistake, they make very grown-up music. A Beatlesque analogy certainly applies (--) while the young girls swoon, the band writes songs of enduring quality." -Michael Miller, The State

"It's A Shit Business" -Jay's shirt

"Ward, would you like to rock?" -David Mead
"Why yes, David, I would." -Ward

"They're such girls." -Cha

"I like that you guys scream when I do this." -Jay, making the rock hand

"We won't leave! Your crappy music can't drive us away from the stupid boys we love!" -Loni, addressing the Variety Playhouse in general

"Matt, I like you better than Ward. You give better hugs." -me

"You've been seeing us for so long; why wouldn't I know your name?" -Jonny to me

"Your fans are rabid, and sometimes scary." "Yes, they are -- uh, no." -Matt Jones, 99x DJ, and Matt Bivins, a little too quick on the response for diplomacy

"You know, I have to yell at Ward every once in a while; see, he thinks he's Yo Yo Ma. So I have to keep his head from swelling." -Evan to Ann Renna

"Jay is Superlungs. Jay's the Lady in the Radiator." -Jasmine

"Sometimes I think they're all kind of manly-ish, but then someone wears a matching necklace and bracelet and just ruins it." -Erin

"Jump concerts are like sex. There's the foreplay (mingling before the show, opener), the intercourse (the actual show), the climax (they sing your favorite song and Band Boy X catches your eye), and then the afterglow when you talk with the guys. For me it lasts a few days. Whoa, that sounded strange." -Brooks

"Oh those band boys, thinking they're the end-all-be-all just because we do whatever they say. Psssh." -Erin

"I love how people are all the time making Ward call people." -Erin
"It's because he's the only one that can talk." -me

"How do those dorks get to look so DAMN sexy? I'm a dork and I never look that sexy." -Brooks

"I would love to talk to them more, but I really have nothing to say -- or the time -- in the presence of the real groupies." -Megan

"I am so sick of driving all over creation to see their stupid asses. Damn." -Megan

"I would hate to piss off J,LC. They're like girls, they talk so much trash." -Erin

"I'm so glad that Ward quotes Eminem so comfortably and accurately. But can he do it in FRENCH?" -Erin
"Hmm. Probably." -me

"I'm always so impressed by Evan's command of the English language. Especially the cuss words." -Erin

"No matter how chill I'm feeling beforehand, I always turn into a blithering idiot the second I try to talk to a member of Jump, Little Children." -Diana

"They all love Jay." -me
"They must, they let him sing everything." -my mother

"So I can't help but notice that Jay's head seems to be getting larger and larger. I'm trying to figure out some reasonable explanation for this. Here's what I've come up with:
1. His body's getting smaller.
2. His package is getting larger, and thusly his head feels inferior. (This doesn't really make a lot of anatomical sense, but it gives you something to ponder. What I ponder the most is, "If it gets bigger, will I have to stand farther away to avoid being poked in the eye?")
3. He's stockpiling marshmallows in his skull.
4. On a recent trip, he ran into James 'You can project a feature film onto my forehead' Van Der Beek, and Dawson revealed that his secret to bighead status was his Swedish cranium enlarger pump. J.M.C. then promptly ran out and bought one off eBay.
5. His head is actually a pumpkin, and the fairy godmother is gradually growing it into Cinderella's sparkly white carriage. Matt and Evan will be the horses, Ward's the doorman, and Jonny will hold the reins." -Carmen

"Clifford’s voice and Williams’ cello sounded true and fresh with no mic to disguise or distort." -Wake Forest Old Gold and Black article

"I love that no matter how many times I've seen Jump, Little Children, I will never EVER outgrow gabbing about licking things off them." -Carmen

"I'll always hold a special place for Jump, no matter where I go or what I do. They were such a huge part of my life that it would be hard for me to completely cast them aside." -Brooke

"Jump shows used to feel like home. Now they feel like a vacation that has been beyond wonderful but is winding down." -Brooke

"Well, it has happened again. I had another Jump dream. It started out with me and Anne and Emily going to Wherehouse Music this coming weekend. Well, we got there and Matt snatched Emily and wouldn't give her back until they were done with their set. It was so creepy. Stupid baby-snatching Matt! Then Jonny yelled at everyone 'Love me!' and all the girls just kinda looked at Jay and ignored the fact that Jonny had ever spoken. Nobody seemed to notice that Evan wasn't even there and their replacement drummer was Roger Taylor from Queen." -Julie

"Suddenly, I'm awash with Jaylove. Maybe I'm just queasy, I can't tell sometimes." -Erin

"Matt, why do you have to be a man? Why do I have to be a man? Why can't one of us be a girl?" -Tyler Winfield (do follow that link, it's hilarious)

"I never thought I'd get turned on by the national anthem." -me
"How... patriotic of you, Anne." -Brooke

"'Oh, a man with a guitar is nothing compared to a man with a cello!' laughs Eicca. 'Girls really like the way that we handle our instruments... we’re very sensitive and very hard!'" -Apocalyptica

"To paraphrase Homer Simpson, 'Stupid sexy band.'" -me

"I guess guys might be more into groupies because they just want to get their thing on. At this point, I have more obsessed female fans than male. I start to know 'em by name. You see shows like 'Selena' and get nervous." -Alicia Keys

"Our fans are really cool, and I'm loath to talk about the odd crazy. I think it's tempting the bad karma." -Shirley Manson

"I got my share [of groupies] but you know, once you've experienced that, it's kinda nasty in the day and age we live in to be with somebody that you don't know. So it ain't really something I'm into. I can't say that when I first became a rock star I didn't experience it once or twice or three times maybe. [Laughs] What it feels like to have a groupie just want to be with you. But I've been there, done that, you know. And it's nothing I recommend." -P. Diddy (yeah, I didn't know he was a rock star either, but whatever) (last three quotes are from Jane magazine)

"And since we're not gay, we can't do each other anymore." -Jonny

"I'm sorry, I just think it's really funny that Jay threw your candy." -Matt to Loni

"That whole 'Once I was into it, but now I'm not anymore and my whole life has meaning now' bullshit really gets on my nerves." -Erin

"Jump, Little Children can be hazardous to one's health. Not J,LC, per se, just the whole culture surrounding them." -Leo

"God. It just pisses me off to see 5 intelligent guys being so fake to the real fans that care about them, and so nice to the fake fans who want attention." -Megan

"You probably don't know who they are." -Laura to random guy asking about J,LC before a show
"I think I love them." -random guy

"'Look at the hos.' Could you be more specific?" -Erin

"Hoochies really do ruin things." -Rebecca

"My god, we have gotten so much Opium today. It's freaking 1901 Chinatown here." -me

"Sometimes cute sketchy, sometimes kinky sketchy, sometimes bad sketchy. But all sketchy." -me
"They never stray from the sketchy motif. But I love them." -Brooke
"It's real love. You can tell, because it sucks." -me

"All the stuff that's happened just in the last few months, road trips, guys in the band being nice or not-so-nice.... At the end of the day, I still think it would be cool to make out with Evan." -Dresden (hey, she dared me to put it up)

"You will be a hoochie yet!" -Synne
"Yeah, see, that's my inner hoochie who is extremely, extremely frustrated." -me

"It's a collective community of weak girls who can't get dates so they seek the attention of men that they cannot have." -Samantha's ex-boyfriend Nathan R. (who likes Jump, really)

"Conversational highlights during the concert include Matt talking about being so excited that he wet his pants...twice. Then Jay said that he was so excited that he wet Jonny's pants." -Michelle Kemp, NYC show

"That's the beauty of music. They can't take that away from you." -Andy Dufresne, "The Shawshank Redemption"

"When I go to Jump shows, I go to have fun, and if it makes me look gay then oh well!" -Pete

"They'll rock you. They'll roll you. They'll piss you off." -Gretchen

"No people sing with such pure voices as those who live in the deepest hell; what we take for the song of angels is their song." -Franz Kafka

"Everyone but Stan knows that, if you have a mental problem and didn't get enough attention as a child, you simply make a website and pretend to be important." -B on "Stan"

"Where does Evan get off saying I have to start paying him ROYALTIES if I want to be his 'Girl?' If he's got enough money to shop at NTassios and buy DVDs like they were going out of style, then he certainly doesn't need my financial support. Stupid whiny rockstar. Bah! No, I'm not nearly as angry as I sound. This is, in fact, a fairly common thing with me and Jump, Little Children - I act like they piss me off when on the inside, I couldn't be more amused." -Gretchen

"While listening to stringed instruments, hear their composite central sound; thus omniprescence." -#41, the 108 methods of meditation given by Shiva, the Vigyan Bhairav Tantra (c. 2500 BCE)

"When I perform, I have this image of people who have been invited into my living room and we're sharing something. It's a basic chemistry." -Yo Yo Ma

"You could probably attribute 90 percent of all guitars bought in the United States to the hope that playing one will attract girls." -Brad Paisley, country singer

"I've met so many nice people at the Jump shows.... I've met a lot of annoying skanks too. Ha ha." -Lauren Huff

"Why do journalists and the like always refer to J,LC fans as rabid? The only rabid people I see at concerts are people who don't know shit about the band. The 'real' fans may be odd, but definitely not rabid." -Airika

"He doesn't like being made fun of, but he still wears that AC/DC shirt. He deserves it." -Brooke about Ward

"Oh, now you think they're going to talk to you because you're wearing ho boots, is that it?" -Megan

"Before we start, we have a few things to tell you." -Jonny
"We're gay." -Erin

"Everybody's like, 'Ohmigawd. Matt's ass.' Like even the boys are like, 'Wow.'" -Erin

"I'm the mean one in the band." -Jay

"It's the Jump, Little Children step show." -Erin

"Ward looks pretty good in a tool belt." -Jay
"A tool belt and nothing else." -Jonny

"I love you Jump, Little Children!" -random drunk person in audience
"We love you too...person." -Jonny (Elbow Room, 10.00, thanks to UGAAmaya19@aol.com)

"Damn Jay and his big-headed randomness pervading my life!" -Brooke

"I wish we could tour like this all the time. It is, as they say, the shit." -Jay
"Yeah, but don't worry, we're still a rock band!" -Matt (thanks to Gretchen)

"So much amazing energy in one room. So much... oh shit... just... oh shit. I'm seriously... fuck." -Diana

"Don't you think Jonny is strange?" -Ward to audience (thanks to Sarah Cameron)

"I have a friend with a Little Bobby sticker on her car. I commented, 'Oh, you like Jump, Little Children!' It surprised me because she is from Bulgaria. She said 'Vhat de hell is Jump, Little Cheeldren, anyvay? I got dis car used."'" -Matt Shook

"We don't want any more Vance! Give us JUMP!!" -Tina

"Jonny's the goofy one, but when he gets emotional, it's just so beautiful. I love watching him sing." -Diana

"Talking to Ward was fun. I told him how Anne (hi Anne) had said that he and my mom should have an intellectual conversation sometime.
Diana- 'You know Anne Martinez, right?'
Ward- 'Yeah, of course.'
Diana- 'Well, she said a while back that you and my mom ought to have an intellectual conversation sometime.'
Ward- 'All my conversations are intellectual....'
He qualified that statement later, probably due to the fact that I was laughing a lot, explaining 'No, I have other types of discussions too, but I like the smart ones best.'" -Diana

"Man... you don't have to rub it in." -Amy during "U Can Look"

"Yeah, no cellist is normal, I promise. I can say that 'cause I am one." -Amy

"Check out the big brain on Jay Clifford." -Ward

"This is FUN!" -Ward on being handcuffed to me

"I wanna be handcuffed to Ward too, dammit. And Evan and Matt and Jay and Jonny and... Vance too, just so I could kick him." -Diana

"He needs to eat. Why don't we invite him to Thanksgiving dinner after the show?" -Katie Benson's mom about Evan, 10.19.01

"I mean, they say one thing and the fans are like, 'Waaaah!' They're not the Beatles." -my co-worker Laura, on listening to Buzz

"I never thought I'd say this: nice accordian." -Groupie girl on The Drew Carey Show (thanks to Adia)

"The Happy Dream Opium Den - where good fiends meet, juvenile delinquents welcome!" -a shirt Brooks bought

My co-worker Toni, looking at the copy of Vertigo I left on her desk: Do you know this band personally?
Me: Uh... yeah.
Toni: Have you had sex with any of the members?
Me: Not yet.

"I have no idea how a band so beloved by the target audience of record sales (horny high school and college girls) could be so overlooked. I guess America is not ready for that which they cannot classify or label." -Julie

"I've read that of all phobias, vertigo comes closest to being defined as 'fear of yourself.' Because it's all about what you might be capable of doing to yourself. Vertigo is usually like, 'Oh-oh-oh, I could just see myself floating over that rail,' or 'I wonder if I spaz out if I'd fall over....' etc." -poster on Hissyfit.com

"So was everyone good little girls (I would ask 'girls and boys' but I doubt any boys read my diaryland)? Did Santa bring you what you wanted? I'm sorry if you didn't get any skinny band boys." -Julie

"I've never taken advantage of the opportunity of one-night stands. It's like treating sex like sneezing. Sex is a fairly disgusting sort of tufted, smelly-area kind of activity, which is too intimate to engage in with strangers. I'm all for erotic in terms of imagination, but the physical side is something different." -Jonny Greenwood of Radiohead

"I wanted to be a groupie, but I wasn't really pretty enough." -Courtney Love

"Jump, Little Children rock, man. I've liked them since I was little! I mean, not since I was little." -our valet

"God I love these stupid losers." -Erin

"You guys are so cute." -Jay
"We try." -Ward

"They put the 'sex' in 'sextet.'" -Ward about the Dock Street strings players
"Who puts the 'tet' in it?" -Allen
"I think Ward does." -several of us (Tet is Vietnamese New Year and in some ways is a Buddhist holiday, kinda)

"Ward, you ARE hot! And you're spontaneous!" -Jay

"What are you guys laughing at?" -Jay to Dock Street audience
"What are we usually laughing at?" -Erin

"This wasn't quite 'leisure.'" -Brooke looking at our Guest Evaluation card at the hotel

"That's Jump shows for you, always sucking where they shouldn't suck." -me

"They make us jumpy." -me

"You can like something and still think it's stupid." -me
"You know, as a rule, I only like things that are stupid." -Brooke

"Go Team Ward!" -Rachel

"Happy, sad, horny, fab." -Alicia's description of J,LC

"I have a theory that it's impossible to look good in a picture with a member of J,LC. Either they suck all of your composure and poise and you end up looking like a doofus, or else they're so pretty you look gross in comparison, or they're being stupid on purpose because they think that's cool, or all three, as was the case with my picture of me and Jay from Dock Street last year." -Erin

"At least for once we did exactly what we told the band we were going to do after the show: Get drunk and play Harry Potter Uno." -Erin

"Music makes one feel so romantic -- at least, it always gets on one's nerves -- which is the same thing nowadays." -Oscar Wilde (thanks to Erin)

"So, if, hypothetically, Anne's quizzes said I was a Ward girl and that I was Ward, would that mean I have a crush on myself? Hey, I'm always a sure thing...." -Cha

"Ward Warehouse" -business card from Hawaii (I just randomly saw it, I don't know what it really is)

"Sometimes people go to shows and then leave." -Manashi

Amy: True musicians (males) always need to have girls throw themselves at them.... They're too into the music to notice that they have girls humping their legs. Seriously. You should see my friend Ken. It's ridiculous. All the guys in their band all have girls after them. They don't even notice it. Their heads are too stuck into their guitars.
Me: Oh, I think they know. hahahahaha.
Amy: Yes. Maybe so. It explains Matt and his obvious 'sexiness' (I put that into quotations for a reason). I mean, who else turns around and bends over for like 2 minutes straight and for what purpose? To get his instruments.... YEAH, RIGHT. "Hey everyone! Look at my ass!"
Me: I know, right! That KILLS me. He is SO FUNNY without meaning to be.
Amy: It's annoying, but so cute at the same time.
Me: But it's a nice ass.

"I have a mandolin. I play it all night long. It makes me want to kill myself." -The Magnetic Fields, "100,000 Fireflies"

"That sounds like a conversation between two old men. 'This guitar's old!" -Jay
"'Yeah, well I can whittle a stick!'" -Jonny, Rosebud, 2.12.02

"Jonny, you are solid as a rock! .... And such a good kisser." -Jay, Rosebud, 2.12.02

"You know Jump, Little Children leaves bastard children all over the Southeast." -Jay, in the course of an attempt to relate amps to bastard children (what can I tell you; it's Jay), Rosebud, 2.12.02

"What was everybody laughing at?" -Jay
"Your magic trick." -Amanda
"Oh, like I was grabbing breasts? I wasn't grabbing breasts." -Jay, Rosebud, 2.12.02

"Is it just me, or is Evan hot?" -me
"Jay looks hot too. If I didn't know who he was, I would be like, [licks her finger and makes sizzling noise]." -Sara

"You skipped a song in the setlist! You can't read!" -Jonny to Jay, Rosebud, 2.12.02

"All Rosebud songs are about love. This one's about sex. Romantic sex." -Jay, introducing "Don't Put It On"
"Is there a difference? [crowd awwwwws] Aw, I've never had sex, you know it." -Jonny, Rosebud, 2.12.02

"Are you the one with the kick-ass webpage? I haven't seen it. I probably should." -Jonny
"Oh, you don't have to." -me

"As long as I'm ahead of Jay, I'm fine." -Jonny on the Which ____ Girl Are You? quiz results (he mentioned all that out of the blue; isn't that disturbing?)

"Jump little children in the shower." -Chris' friend John

"And then I started thinking, 'Gee, Ward, what are we going to do about the Biv?'" -Erin

"Yay empty compliments from people you help support financially!" -Synne Sara

"So I had to sneeze at the end of that song, but I didn't. That's smooth. That's professional." -Jonny

"How can he not feel self-conscious in those pants?" -Laura Woodworth about Jay's pants
"Hee hee! I wouldn't feel self-conscious in his pants!" -her friend Amanda

"And now -- are you adequately prepared to rock?!" -Principal Skinner

"Let's get the guys in Jump hula hoops." -Chris
"...." -me

"I don't forgive hoochiness." -me

"Yes, well, controlling the inner hootchie is the hard part. Sounds like a Ward infomercial: Controlling the inner hoochie. All that meditating. I could so see him on the cover. Chicken Soup for the Hoochie's Soul." -Amy

"I will never get over the weird attractiveness of J,LC. And the strange magnetism they have even more when they are all five together. It's like the fucking X-Men or something. Or like how the Transformers could join together to make one really big ass kicking Transformer." -Sara Miller

"I hope nobody wants to buy anything." -Jenna behind the merch table, Birmingham, 2.22.02

"This is the Jay Orgasm Noise song." "Oh, that is so like how we talk about it. We're like, He would sing this in bed." ".... That would be weird." -me and Jenna being drunk during "The Singer," 2.22.02

"Was that for Jagstar's benefit, or your benefit, or Ward's benefit?" "I think it was for the Lord's benefit." -Matt and Ward on Ward's cover of "Crazy Train," 2.22.02

"It's like Alcoholics Anonymous, only with J,LC." -Vida

"It's the artistic vibe in us that makes us stare." -Crystal

"Don't be afraid of rock n' roll hair." -Jay
"I'm not scared. It was just unintentional." -Jonny, Chattanooga, 2.23.02

"That right there is typical Jump, Little Children. We got from an old Irish tune to the Scorpions." -Jay, 2.23.02

"Matt knows you're a Matt girl." -Manashi
"Matt knows... I'm a... Ward... girl." -me, confused

"They just know how to talk to us, y'all." -Allison Huff

"Julie also said that if Jump were to change their name, they should change it to What the Fuck. Or for all ages shows, What the Blank." -me, in an old diary entry

"Some girl came up [to Ward] and introduced herself and asked if he'd stick out his tongue 'cause she'd never seen it before ...and when he did she kept talking as if she weren't impressed ...he got this look on his face of 'Well now... that's different.' I think he was hurt. Ha ha." -Amy

Ken: That's why I want to be a rockstar.
Amy: To get chicks?
Ken: So I can hug some random chick, kiss her on the head, spout off her name, and get her to think about me for weeks.

"Everyone is sooooo shallow! They just want to look at the boys! They don't want to help them!" -Lauren Huff complaining about site stats

"It really makes girls mad if you say Matt's gay." -Amy's friend Brian

"Friends don't let friends do Jump." -Amy's friend Joe

"How come they make us feel miserable yet wonderful at the same time? Bastards." -Manashi

"Shit, these guys kill me. Stop killing me, wussy rock boys!" -Brooks

"He puts the 'grrr' in 'nerd.'" -Frank DeCaro, The Daily Show

"You should always have a crush on Ward." -Kathy to Olivia

"Too many hoochies spoil the broth." -Jasmine

"I've never seen a rut with parameters as elastic as those in the Jump rut. It's like a boxing ring." -Brooke

"How The Biv Stole Christmas" -Amy

"The band is ugly so you don't think about how cute they are (god bless Jump, Little Children, but I'd love 'em more if they weren't goddamn gorgeous!)" -Meaghan about The Strokes

"Maybe you should go to advance a higher purpose. That's what I always assume, that I have to go to shows to advance a higher purpose." -Erin

"The loss of Jump virginity produced quite an orgasm in me I must say." -Rachel Adamson

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Do you have any quotes to submit? e-mail me: anne@seven-days.org
AOL IM: martinezanne
Also, let me know if you see quotes repeated. I'm starting to think I might be lapping myself and it gets hard to remember what quotes are already up.

© 1998 - 2004 Anne Martinez
contents are original unless otherwise credited.
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