"quotes 4!"

warning: this page has bad words which can cause insanity and death

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"Rock stars -- is there anything they don't know?" -Homer Simpson

"Good arm." "Eh, you got a big head." -Jay getting stuff thrown at him by an old man, "The Critic"

"I got this picture of Jay Clifford, and his head took over the whole frame!" -random girl overheard in the Dock Street crowd

"No sharp objects. There's too many Jump fans around." -Chrissy, after Loni asked for scissors

"Never before seen onstage -- and for good reason -- two accordions." -Jonny

"Busk, Little Children! Busk on, busk my ass!" -Loni

"You make me proud to be a Ward girl!" -Jessica Sexton to me

"How pathetic are you if you're a Ramones groupie?" "How pathetic are you if you're an AC/DC groupie, unless you're a redneck bisexual man." -Julie, me (I realize that last sentence makes no real sense)

"Jump, Little Star Wars" -Julie

"...And then, because he's got a big head, Jay is Darth Vader! God, I'm a nerd!" -Julie

"Evan would be pissed if he knew he was Lando." -me

"I'll never understand why [Elliott] Smith is not a superstar, but I'm glad he's not." -David Peisman, InSite

"Imagine what emotional wrecks we'd be if there were baby animals at Jump shows." -me to Chrissy

"Guys, just skip the music and go right to the heroin." -Tom Servo to band, MST3K

"Don't let your mom dress the band." -MST3K

"The Skinnies!" -Tom Servo about band, MST3K

"They're used to people taking money from them. This is only gonna confuse them." -band manager when Tom Hanks' character wants to pay back a band, "The Money Pit"

"Oh, way to write lyrics, Beatles." -me

"Let me play for you one more time." "You don't have to do that. I'm still seduced from before." -"Futurama"

"They are so hot I am sweating like a fat lady in a van!" -Cheri Oteri as boy-band nutcase, SNL

"Okay, that's the second cup that we got hit by in one week. We'll dive off the stage and like Axl Rose your ass, so you better look out." -Jonny, 8.18.96 @ Chameleon Club

"I think there is a lot of chemistry between the guys in the band. We're all really good friends, so it's just fun to play music.... The chemistry between the five of us is a really big part of our show." - Jay

"You admit that there might be a theological reason to attend a concert?" -"Grounded for Life"

"Jaymes, if that girl was acting any more 'poppy' she'd be filled with opium." -Pamie, PopStars recap

"WARD DRANK THIS" -Lauren's water bottle signature

"Over one million served." -my mother when I compared an after-show line for Ward to a deli

"You know, I bet if you look inside Jay's head, it's like a Ken head-- it's just air and hair roots." -Erin's friend (she can't remember who)

"That's some naked bass playing right there... That's the nakedest bass playing I've ever heard." -Erin

"I've finally decided I'm a Ward girl." "All right! Welcome to the team." -Tina, me

"I'm glad to be able to act immature. That's the reward of being in a rock and roll band." -Suzi Gardner, L7

"Nothing scares Sean O'Flaherty." -"The Lot"

"Once I had a wooden whistle, but it wooden whistle. So I got a steel whistle, but it steel wooden whistle. Then I got a tin whistle, and now I tin whistle!" -The Netter Page

"What does the .org stand for?" -Olivia on my new domain name (http://www.seven-days.org)

"The rock and roll lifestyle, for us, is like, one beer." -Jay

"I'm so one-minded." -Jay

"Cheap, lazy, ungrateful groupies. That's us." -me and Chris

"She stole your heart in Almost Famous, but actress Kate Hawn is now married to a long-haired rock musician from The Black Crows. I guess she wasn't really acting when she portrayed a slavering groupie to a rock band of questionable talent." -Jackie Harvey

"Using their creativity in both sight and sound, they give a concert that even a deaf person would enjoy." -Chris Andrew

"Hey Dad, you know that old saying, uh, the old age is wasted on the elderly? Not for you!" -Jay

"We all spank each other's bare bottoms." -Evan, asked if they do things for good luck before shows

"The owners here at Georgia Theatre said, 'Jump, Little Children's a fruity band, they would love sparkling lights and living things.'" -Matt about Christmas tree, 12.10.99

"Hi, I'm Jay Clifford, and I'm a recovering singer/songwriter." -Chris

"To the opium den and the barroom gin/In the Belmont chair playing violins/The gambler's face cracks into a grin/As he lays down the king of spades" -The Clash, "The Card Cheat"

"She thinks that because Ward thinks she's cute he automatically has a crush on her; Umm.... No! There is a difference!" -Lindsay's friend Emily after a concert when her sister was hanging around Ward. Emily is a Ward girl

"Anything, I'll take anything. What about his sweat towel?" -Lindsay's friend Audrey after a show begging the security guy to throw something of Ward's to her

"Oh, great, a harmonica. As if this guy wasn't annoying enough." -MST3K

"And this is where we do the interviews. A lot of rock legends have puked in this room. Good times." "Wow. So if I stay here long enough I might see a rock star throw up?" "See it? You'll probably clean it up." -"That 70s Show"

"'Cause you'll be like that first sweet relationship she'll look back on fondly while she's on the tour bus, straddling rock stars." -"That 70s Show"

"Heard about you at the last big rock star meeting." -Alice Cooper, "That 70s Show"

"The Maysles' footage of the ecstatic concert fandom exquisitely captures its slackjawed girls and otherwise heterosexual boys whose orgasmic expressions suggest both identification and lust." -Felicia Feaster, "Gimme Shelter" review, CL

"There's a humility, a shrugging of the shoulders, that comes factory-equipped in bands who've made themselves on the road, offering up sonic oblations to bored college kids and caffeine-buzzing high school ones." -Mikael Wood, At the Drive In review, InSite

"But I don't like the idea of opening for anybody. It's always a bummer. No one came to see you, and you have to win the crowd over." -Jack Black, Tenacious D

"Great crowd control and tons of women." -Pat Price on J,LC

"Jump: controlling women all throughout the Southeast." -Loni

"At one point I thought up another t-shirt along the lines of 'I'm poor because of Jump, Little Children.' The new design would read, 'I'm horny because of Jump, Little Children.' I don't know if people would actually buy them, but they would see them and in the back of their minds think, 'YEAH I am.'" -Kim

"Look, I think we should all be a little more careful about turning each other on, okay?" -MST3K

"Ironically, no one in the band Wang Chung had sex that night." -MST3K

"group'ie, n. a girl fan of rock-and-roll groups or other popular personalities, who follows them about, often in the hope of achieving sexual intimacy." -Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary (I like the part about "hope".)

"Playing drums in a rock band is parallel to playing catcher on the baseball team: You're stuck in the corner with the most equipment, sweating profusely, looking out onto the field of activity, carefully determining the pace of the event and receiving the least attention from the girls in the crowd. And you get injured the most. And it's fucking great." -T. Ballard Lesemann III, Rock*A*Teens drummer

"When I was a teen introvert, Mickey Dolenz's and Hendrix's Afros jelled into one huge greasy funnel cloud that ripped a path to the Words of the Big Myth: Play the drums in a rock 'n' roll band and you will get stoned, laid, adored and paid." -Sean Moore, 3D5PD drummer

"Musicians don't have to be handsome, and do they get beautiful women? Let me just say two words-- Lyle Lovett." -Jay, "The Critic"

"That's what you get for being friends with J,LC." -Adia, commenting on the ho's at a Will Hoge show

"Everybody's mad because they're not giving it to Ward." -Jasmine

"They're my favorite band. I hate them." -Jasmine about J,LC

"It's Jay and his melancholy sad big-packaged children!" -Holly

"Thank God, Ward is coming to save us." -Erin, during Candiass

"I missed his tongue." -Holly on Ward, of course

"He's just such a dork!" -Loni on Ward trying to be all bad-ass (she meant it nicely)

"Cell-o: There's always room for Ward." -Ward's new cello stool

"It's official - we know way too much about Jump, Little Children." -Erin on Jonny's nudity

"It's not rock 'n roll without a drum solo." -Beth Wood

"Accordions make me so hot and bothered." -Loni

"You've spent too much time with those boy bands. You got a man band up here tonight, baby!" -Jon Bon Jovi

"Actually, it's not normal to like anyone in Jump, Little Children." -Chrissy

"Matt's like, 'God, I'm sexy! Girls come from Long Island to Maine to see my sexy ass!'" -Chrissy

"Hank, what is it about models that rock stars find so attractive?" -Peggy, "King of the Hill"

"Why does it always have to be Jonny who gets naked? We get excited when we hear about Ward's navel, but Jonny just strips it all down."
"Well, it might not be a good idea for any of them, really." -Jessica, me

"Those guys know more about each other's penises than the groupies do!" -Olivia

"They're dirty, filthy whores. And I laugh my ass off at them every chance I get. God I love that band." -Erin

"J,LC really is the most nonsensical band ever. It's amazing they are as successful as they are." -Loni

"Who's that guy with the big head, big head...." -MST3K

"You seem to be excellently equipped." "Thank you! I didn't think you could tell through these trousers." -MST3K

"Well, you know, they have girls screaming at them all the time; wouldn't you be a mental case by now?" -Julie on N'Sync looking like mental patients at the Grammys

"We're keeping the guitar." "Why, because it makes you hot?" "Yes, because it makes me hot." -"Grounded for Life"

"I've never fooled around with a musician before." "There are certain things we like, baby. I'll show ya." -girl and Finch, "Just Shoot Me"

"This is called 'Made It Fine,' and, uh, featuring Mr. Ward Williams on the electric guitar. Doesn't he look cute?"
"I don't think that I look quite as cute as Jonny looks. That's just my personal opinion." -Jay and Ward, DS '00

"I was crying like a three-year-old lost in the mall." -me on listening to my DS CDs

"My entire Rollermaniac career was a struggle between knowing they were no Led Zep and loving them anyway." -Caroline Sullivan, Bye Bye Baby: My Tragic Love Affair with the Bay City Rollers

"You know what they say about men with big heads. They look stupid."
"Sometimes they're pretty hot." -Julie and me

"Like, we'll have a band and then chicks will be forced to love us." -Julie

"I think Jay is the sexiest. His voice makes me melt." -Chris Trapper, lead singer of the Push Stars

"They better quit or they're gonna turn into Spinal Tap." -Jasmine about the four-hand-tapping thing

"The lovely, the luscious... Ward Williams!" -Matt, 10.29.98

"We're gonna have lights, cameras, and action." -Matt, 10.29.98

"Does that mean we have to dress like that to get them to talk to us??" -Ann Renna on hoochies and J,LC

"There's always the collective crowd where everyone knows the words andfeel like they have to make eye contact with everyone to prove that they know the words." -Jimmy, 99x's Morning X, on different types of people at concerts

"There's always the old lady that makes you wonder: what's an old lady doing at this concert?" -Jimmy again

"The Accordion – an instrument of suddenness. It can never be suitably introduced…It is capable of unadulterated sentimentality. Yet its emotions cannot be savored exactly because they refuse to be modulated or adjusted. The accordion blurts." -John Donatich, Feed Magazine, quoted in Anonymous Juice

"That's Jay, my Chia Head." -Nicole

"He would be Boobie Monster." -Jasmine on Jonny

"That sounds like a Cosmo quiz. 'Do You Love "The Wrong Band"?'" -Jasmine on Tori Amos song

"There isn't anything wrong with being skinny." -Evan to Nicole

"They're moving out of the Coming Street house? Where are they going to move to, I'm Done Street?" -Julie

"The things you do for Jump." -Rachel

"I love that curl. I want to have that curl's babies." -Erin on one of Jay's trademark locks

"You're not Ward!" -Rachel on everyone

"You guys are so spoiled. You're like whiny brats." -Chrissy to me and Sara

"It's the big accordion." -Chrissy on picture of Matt

"So let's jump up and down, because it's important." -Ward

"Need sexual torture? Try Jump, Little Children!" -Chrissy

"I guess he found time between temping (hahaha; I wrote 'tempting') to answer e-mail." -me to Loni

"I think he likes shiny things because he can see himself in them." -Chrissy on Jay

"I'll let him stay home. He can be a house-Ward." -Julie on her SIMS

"I'd like to see Jay try to ride a unicycle. Is that just cruel?" -Brooke

"Ha ha, you like the smart one. Loser." -Erin to me

"[Slash], have you ever made love to a female fan?" "You know what? I'm not sure." -99x's Jimmy and Slash

"Lo, yonder is an agéd hoochie." -me to Loni

"'I don't sign breasts,' Shinoda insists. 'It's too creepy, especially when you don't know how old these girls really are. I did it the first few times I was asked, maybe five times, before I decided on the no-breasts rule. But some of the other guys....' 'I figure I've signed enough boobies in my life to be done with boobies-- to sign, I mean,' Bennington adds." -Rolling Stone Linkin Park article

"'I love to hear the crowd sing along,' Linkin Park vocalist Chester Bennington says backstage. 'I get the biggest hard-on from that. Of course, it means I have an erection for a whole hour every night.' He turns apologetically to Phoenix, the bassist. 'I hit your bass with my dick last night. I still got the bruise.'" -Rolling Stone Linkin Park article

"The elation. The disappointment. THE ELATION!!!! The panic. The vomit. The bad hair. The good jawlines." -Sara

"Also well-known were the opium dens that existed from the mid-nineteenth through the early twentieth century in San Francisco and New York. They were places for smoking, as well as meeting places for members of vice and crime to gather in relative safety to enjoy a smoke with friends and associates. For the addict, they were places to find opium, opium-smoking paraphrenalia, and the company of other opium smokers. In a sense, these establishments were a social institution." -Sex, Drugs, and the Continuing Spread of Aids, Clyde B. McCoy and James A. Inciardi

"Ward and his goatee are hot." -Rob

"This band does dirty things to my mind." -Jessica

"I think it makes me really cool that I post a lot on my own message board. I think it makes me look not stupid at all." -Kate

"And now look at all us college girls, all wet for 5 of the biggest nerds south of the Mason-Dixon line." -Erin

"You just think you're cute because you're cute." -Lucy angrily to Schroeder, "Peanuts"

"People don't understand Jump." -Dana

"Matt's so cool. I wanna be his friend." -Dana

"The Who? I love bands!" -Homer

"If you're in a band, you can get anybody to do anything you want." -Kip

"Multi-instrumentalists are such a turn-on." -Loni

"Are you going off the rails on a crazy train?" "No, Mama, I'm comin' home." -me, Julie (that one's for Heather)

"No one will be able to resist this perfect package!" -Princess, "Powerpuff Girls"

"All comedians wanna be rockstars because they're incredibly cool. They always look like they're about to vomit. They have that rap before the song that makes no sense: 'You know, ladies and gentlemen, a long time ago, there were lots of people, but that was a long time ago.'" -Dana Carvey

"Hey! My hair is dirty too! Can I be a sex symbol now?" -Loni

"I love how boys always think that girl fans are teenybopper groupies." -Erin

"Wouldn't it be great if there was a rock star store that we could order rock stars from? 'I'd like a Ward and an Edge, please. Hold the hoochies.' This is a new variation on the old theme: rock stars as fast food." -me to Adia

"There's some things even an accordion player won't do." -Rodger French, Cowboy Envy

"If only they didn't mean so much." -Kim

"I've never seen anything like it. I felt so out of place; I hated it. The crowd is like...a cult." -Brian Vokey
"We are a cult, dammit, but the good kind. The kind you don't want to leave." -Peter Birdsong

"You've got it made in the shade with the pink lemonade. And I do mean pink." -"Saturday Night Live"

"If only love could make this album work. That sounded so fucking CHEESY I am going to go shoot myself in the head RIGHT NOW." -Loni

"I'm sorry, but HELLS NO I am not sending any money to J,LC. Hahahahaha. I just read that on your message board." -Sara
"Yeah, they had enough of my money already and they spent it on ugly pants." -me

"You rock like a pansy with a flat ass" -what I thought they were saying in "Hellfire," "Sifl & Olly"

"Jesus Christ! You could baptize someone in that thing. It won't even fit in the cupholder. It's the Jay of soft drinks." -me on a large Coke at Checkers

"Sexy people tend to play the cello." -Rachel, cellist

"You and Matt can come out together." -Jay on attending Erin's debutante ball

"You might could confuse him with this See N Say." -Julie about Jay

"How pretty." -Jay on my light-up necklace

"I'm off to rock a series of mid-level venues." -Bender, "Futurama"

"Curse my natural showmanship!" -Bender, "Futurama"

"We're pathetic. The fact that we're communally pathetic somehow makes it better." -Jasmine

"That's why I don't need to be drunk at a Jump show. I'd be like, 'Ehh, you guys are gonna do it, aren't you? Yeah, you've been checking him out all night.'" -Jasmine

"Poor Ward. He's just a sex object." -Jasmine

"My Jaydar kicked in, and I looked over, and lo, there it was. I don't even think I finished my conversation with Matt. I was like, 'Yeah, haha, holy shit, Jay's eating a creme egg. See you later.' I didn't actually say that (I don't think)." -Erin

"A guy with talent and stage presence (charisma, whatever you want to call it) just equals sexy. That's all there is to it. I love boys in bands, I guess that makes me dumb." -Evie

"Buncha Bivins girls, actin' like they know." -me complaining to Marybeth

"What does it take to be a 'Matt girl'? Something that would keep me up at night? I know the Ward girls. Who are the Evan ones? And are there any Jonny girls?" -Matt

"I hope that GLASSES aren't his only criterion...." -Olivia on Matt's remark

"God, I feel like a Marx Brother." -Julie on walking with me and Olivia and all of us being witty

"Who's that? He's got some rockin' pants on. Oh, it's me." -Julie as Matt were he looking at a pic of himself

"I couldn't stop looking at his pretty, pretty hair." "I couldn't stop looking at his pants." -me, Julie on Jay

"The group picture was good because I made it better." -Julie on asking Ward to stick his tongue out

"This is more fun than watching 'Sesame Street.'" -Julie

"Bass solo! You don't need them!" -guy in GSU crowd to Jonny after show

"So I look in your direction/but you pay me no attention, do you?/I know you don't listen to me/cause you say you see straight through me, don't you?/but on and on/from the moment I wake/to the moment I sleep/I'll be there by your side/just you try and stop me/I'll be waiting in line/just to see if you care" -"Shiver," Coldplay (thanks to Brooks)

"There are some days when you're like 'This is the greatest music I've ever heard!' and some days when you're like 'Ward (or Jay) has the best ____ I've ever seen!' The best days, though, are when you get both at the same time." -Brooke

"I came to the conclusion today that my relationship with my 2-year-old nephew is exactly like my relationship with J,LC. He's not really sure who I am or what my name is; I'm just some vaguely familiar girl who shows up sporadically, lavishes attention on him, and tries to get him in bed at the end of the night." -Erin

"You know you're not a real rockstar when you stalk your fans." -Pete

Me: Ah, pointless lust; how fun it is.
Betsy: Mmmm hmmm! It keeps me amused....
Me: At least we realize it's pointless; that's something, anyway.
Betsy: Oh, yeah - I realized that a while ago - it's easier on the heart... but not on the... ummm... lower regions.

"Ahhh - the depths of depravity I sink to when talking about Jump. I really love the music, really I do.... But there's only so much you can say about music." -Betsy

"All the whores and opium we can carry!" -Halby Durzell and Renensco P. Blue, Evan Dorkin's comic book "Hectic Planet"

"I wonder if they ever feel like they're feeding ravaging monkeys with their bare hands." -Brooks

"You see that tongue, ladies and gentlemen? I've never seen anything like that! And that's just the beginning." -Matt during a show

"They are stupid after all.... Oh I love them! Man. That says like...everything about Jump ever. Ha ha. Man, I love that Jump is so...it's like ... menopause - one second you are all like, 'Damn them,' and then you get all hot for them." -Loni

"This song is a song about jumping off of a tall building. Which is not something that we encourage, but that doesn't mean we can't sing a song about it, now does it?" -Ward
"That's absolutely right, Wardie." -Jay, 3.16.97, Winston-Salem (thanks to Erin)

"If there's anything we can do, let us know, we'll be glad to do it." -Jay, 3.16.97, Winston-Salem (thanks to Erin)

"Does it matter that we steal all our riffs from the great cello bands of the 70's? Does it matter that the corporate machinery behind us exploits us and you to capitalize on the huge cello band trend? If all of our samples and back-up tapes had been recorded in the forest, would anyone be able to hear them?" -Rasputina

"They have a cello? Cool. Cello power! The world needs more cellists." -Jeremy Lin

"Ward Williams is penetrating my job search." -Anna on randomly coming across "An Interview with Ward Williams" when searching for jobs in Charleston on a search engine

"Can't we say something intelligent about the music or something, instead of just talking about their schlongs?" -Erin

"Wouldn't it be fun to have a J,LC candy bar? I wonder what would be in it. Fruits and nuts, I guess. And chocolate." -Brooks

"'Not dumb enough in person? Cat got your tongue? Then make a virtual idiot of yourself in live, real-time chat with members of Jump, Little Children!'" -Erin

"Ward has lots of vinyl, because he's much cooler than me." -Evan

"Then we're gonna wrestle. Yeah, Jay and I are gonna Jell-O wrestle. Where's my Vaseline?" -Evan

"Jump, Little Children are dumb. They don't make any sense. They're freaks. They're nerds. But we love them so. I mean, I'm cooler than Jump is. I should have groupies. Where are the people asking me to sign their asses?" -Erin

"I would like to state for the record that I have other interests, but this is funnier." -Erin's disclaimer

"I guess there's more to being in a band than looking good." -Stephanie on "Full House" (thanks to Erin; y'all know I don't watch that shit, right?)

"But... are we just a bunch of WHINING WIMPS that are SPOILED ROTTEN and DON'T DESERVE TO BE IN A ROCK AND ROLL BAND?" -Matt, in an old Buzz journal entry

"Meet the other groupies: Blonde Girl, Other Blonde Girl, Tall Girl, and Tall Blonde Girl." -Ted Nugent, "That '70s Show"

"Wanna stick around? I'll let you touch the guitar." -Ted
"Whoo, all right!.... You mean your guitar guitar, right?" -Donna, "That '70s Show"

"You looked relaxed and radiant."
"Yeah, well, that's what 3 hours of cello music will do to you." -Jen's grandmother and Jen, "Dawson's Creek" (thanks to Kim)

"Doesn't it sometimes feel like the whole world is one big inside Jump joke?" -Erin

"They have, like, little girls following them around in every town." -Rebecca of Harlow about SoulCracker, "Bands on the Run"

"That's what I always do, because I'm a Buddhist." -God giving advice to Satan, "South Park"

"Indeed, it is possible to be effectively obsessive. One simply must possess that extra neurotic edge to also accommodate pesky realities such as work and bills.... And obsession does soothe the soul." -Jane Catoe, Creative Loafing

"Did you find anything you wanted or needed in Charleston that you didn't get, besides Jay?" -Brooke's mother to Brooke

"Thank god those Wardists don't go door-to-door handing out literature. We'd all be living in a den of Flying V iniquity." -Brooke

"He's blessed with that tongue. It doesn't matter how hung you are; you have that tongue and you're golden." -Frank

"He looks like a Blow-Pop!" -Donna on Eric's big head, "That 70s Show"

"But mostly tour is really fun and self-absorbed in some intoxicating ways. Playing music we write, getting interviewed, listening to recordings of ourselves, watching videos of the shows we played, giving out our address, selling records of music that we made. It's really easy to forget that you're not that special or cool because you can write a few songs.... Everyone around you is acting like there's something cool about you, which is something we all, on some levels, want to believe. Easy to see where some people get a 'soul-ly-er than thou' attitude." -Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing

"My usual policy for shows is that I wear whatever I had been wearing the day before." -Tales of a Punk Rock Nothing

"Anna, you know, you could at least have a crush on someone in a famous band. I want to know that your psycho rock star crush could support you." -Anna's dad

"Yeah, there's sex appeal -- nerdy sex appeal." -Jonny on They Might BE Giants
"Yeah, like, Jump!" -Anna
"Yeah!" -Jonny

"I suppose we're all looking for the song that describes everything we're going through just perfectly. Thank God there isn't one just yet. Because I really don't want to stop looking. I like having different songs and different voices and different albums for the different times in my life. I like that I'm changing and music's changing and every once in a while you get a perfect moment where everything clicks. That's what's wonderful about love. Every once in a while there's a moment where everything is right." -Pamie

"I WANNA HAVE YOUR CHILDREN!" "All of our children? How are you gonna do that? It'd be a fun night for us!" -random girl and Jay, 6.8.01

"Someone gave us 'doable' stickers." -Ward
"Does that mean you'd do us? Prove it!" -Jonny, 6.8.01

"Yes, Birmingham, yes." -Jay

"Ward is like the nicest rock star on the planet. And he's genuine." -Allison

"He can't spell his own name. And I thought Ward was the smart one." -me, looking at Luisa's poster, where Ward almost wrote a "W" instead of a "D" (he'd had an hour of sleep)

"I keep getting things with Flying Vs on them. I don't know why this keeps happening." -me
"You just have really good taste." -Ward
"That's very true." -me

"I would think there'd be more Matt boys then Jay boys." -Matt

"It hasn't worked. Everyone's still thinking about the ass." -Pip on the projection of a video tape of Jonny's ass at the 6.9.01 show, as Will Hoge was opening, as revenge on a prank by Will at the Chattanooga show a few days before, as Will attempted to rejoin the song.

"Awww, Ward told me to shut up again." -Pip, to whom Ward says "Shut up, Pip" a la Cartman.

"I'm going to have to listen to all 5 Sleater-Kinney albums tonight. This was a 5-album night." -me after the 6.9.01 show, on working out frustration through riot-grrrl punk

"Matt has a crush on you, Anne." -Brooke
"That's why he's jealous that I'm a Ward girl." -me

"What's that, candy? Candy is for dorks!" -Zap Brannigan, "Futurama"

"I always hear the same things at every show: 'Are they gay? He has pretty eyes; what the fuck is he wearing?'" -Megan

"When I was going to Charleston one weekend, my mom was like, 'Take an umbrella; it might rain.... Wait. You're gonna be wet anyways.' I can't believe she said that." -Megan

"I think the only explanation I have to why Jump has this spell over me is that they are the closest thing to a drug that I'm actually addicted to. I mean, I'm obsessed with several bands, but I moderate my usage. Jump produces a different type of high that any type of exposure slams me back out of rehab. It's hard to break the habit when all of my friends are really bad addicts too. ;)" -Olivia

"I swear, I've given them so much time and money.... It's at least worth five minutes of oral sex." -Erin, being sarcastic

"You know, I kind of like it better when I don't feel like a pathetic dumbass for being attached to this band." -me after hearing Things

"I'm a singer. You know what a singer is? Someone with a hole in his heart as big as his ego. When you need 20,000 people screaming your name in order to feel good about your day, you know you're a singer." -Bono, in a Harvard commencement address

"I was thinking of starting a support group on the site, but I thought it would be redundant." -me

"I think it’s hard for some people to understand that we have to talk to people after a show, we have to go and be kind of corny or cheesy sometimes, because we know who keeps us alive and who puts the food on the table. It’s not Atlantic Records and it never was. It’s the people who are coming to our shows. There are so many bands who have figured that out, and those are the bands that we try to learn from. That’s just vital and we’re incredibly appreciative." -Matt in the Columbia Free Times

"I always remember the old song, 'Wedding bells are breaking up that old gang of mine,'" McCartney says. "You're going to grow up. You're going to get married. You're going to get girlfriends and have babies and things, and you don't do that in a band." -Paul McCartney on "Larry King Live" (thanks Manashi @ CNN)

"Jump's draining all my money anyways. Just like a strip club." -Megan

"I feel like I'm in the paparazzi section." -Shayne at an NYC Jump show, surrounded by at least 10 cameras focused on the band

Shayne, grabbing Ward as he was helping set up the stage: "Why are you and Jay wearing tanktops?"
Ward: "'Cause it's hot as hell!"
Shayne: "I think it's just cause you want to be beefcake."
Ward: "Yeah, we're a beefcake band."

"I am not a beefcake. I am just a cupcake." -Dexter, "Dexter's Laboratory"

"How come Jump can't make gold come out of my ass, instead of like, making me miserable and sad? Then at least something good can come out of it." -Erin

"I'm going to put up a bunch of depressing quotes, and next time Matt looks at it he'll be like, 'These are all depressing. Where are the ones about them wanting to do us? This sucks.'" -me

"We're probably pretty lucky that we're not very successful groupies." -Erin

"Trevor makes fun of the way girls scream, 'Oh, I love you!' to him. Well, Trevor, look on the bright side. At least you won't have to get used to it." -Pamie, "Making the Band" recap

"Listen to the song, 'Cathedrals,' by the rock group Jump Little Children [sic]. Discuss the sense of home. Even though you may be in a beautiful place, if it isn't home you just may feel as though you are missing something." -Education for a Substainable Future Curriculum (thank you, Cobb County schools)

"They all need to like...lose all their teeth, turn ugly, develop crazy diseases, and stop hitting on each other. Then we might stop being turned on by them. Oh, who am I kidding; I would probably still want to get in their pants." -Kim

"Girls love the hell out of Jump, Little Children. I don't get it, it' s not like they're pretty or anything." -Stuart

"That was the sweatiest time of my life. Except for childbirth, and... other times when people sweat a lot." -Julie after an Athens Jump show

"There was nearly a trampling getting in. How sad would it have been to be trampled to death by girls in backless shirts and clogs trying to get into a Jump show?" -Erin

"You guys made me crazy, but you keep me sane too." -Brooke about Jumpfolks

"I bet Ward even has to take a break from being Ward. It's just too tiring." -Brooke

"Um.... I really couldn't say I'm particularly attached to one guy. I love them all too much to be able to pick just one. And, as my friend Ana put it, picking a 'favorite' member makes them sound like a boy band." -Tina Johnson

"And you know you love the attention. The instant a stupid Ward photo is up, everyone thinks of you. Isn't that precious?" -Olivia to me

"We're brilliant. Gah, if we thought about changing the world as much as we think about the intricacies of Jump, Little Children, then we'd have ended war, hunger, cured all diseases, AND killed off Creed!" -Erin

"Underestimating the intelligence of an audience is a stupid mistake that lots of performers make. Here's a tip: An audience can see into your heart more than you know." -Alex Richmond, "Bands on the Run" recap

"I have a hard time thinking of them as men. I just think of them as big kids." -Manashi

Q. What do the band get up to when they aren't playing music?
CY: We just become very miserable people.
RUPERT: We play other sorts of music.
CY: Rupert's been playing the cello. Trying to wrap his legs around something, at least.
RUPERT: It's a very physical instrument.
CY: Yeah, I noticed. And it needs wiping down. It's pear shaped, like a woman. It's a feminine thing. So, he's been doing that. -Fixx interview (thanks Olivia and Kat)

"I guess we're sort of like a boy band. We're five cute guys, right?" "Right!" -Jonny and Emily M.

"How could you not want to have sex with someone who plays the accordion?" -Neal Shankman, on Goovie's quote page

"We write our own material, we play instruments.... Dancing with instruments would be a bit silly, wouldn't it?" -some dude from BBMak, trying to say they're not a boy band (thanks to Manashi)

"I love how Jump is the doorway to my social life." -Kyle

Matt, Evan and Ward are at a restaurant.
At a nearby table, a kid says to his mother, referring to Matt, "Is that a lady, mommy?"
The kid's mother (to the Jump guys): "I'm sorry, he sometimes gets confused."
Ward: "Don't worry, so do we." -onstage recollection recounted by Claire

"Corey says, 'The music is healing, and the experience of playing it heals us.' Then he levitates and tells everyone to eat nothing but vegetables. Just kidding." -Alex Richmond, "Bands on the Run" recap

"I wish I had a Matt to just pull out and snuggle. I need a Matt teddy bear." -Erin

"Since when did liking a band become a sport? Team 1: Hoochies vs. Team 2: Us." -Megan

"Why are the women surrounding rock stars always supreme bitches?" -Elisabeth

"I knew Jump, Little Children would come in handy!" -Sara

"Okay, I'll admit it. Ward is a circus freak. Man. I've got the hots for a circus freak." -me

"Jay is as difficult to draw as he is to talk to." -Megan

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Do you have any quotes to submit? E-mail me: anne@seven-days.org
AOL IM: martinezanne
Also, let me know if you see quotes repeated. I'm starting to think I might be lapping myself and it gets hard to remember what quotes are already up.

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contents are original unless otherwise credited.
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