"quotes 3, yes, 3"

warning:this page has bad words which can cause insanity and death

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"Who needs brains when you can lick your own eyebrows?" -"Will and Grace"

"I love it when he inclines his head at you. Kind of like dogs do when they are interested." -Loni on Matt

"Anne is a bit of a geek herself." -Matt

"Anne Martinez is one of my favorite people." -Matt. Excuse the self-promotion, I'm sure you understand.

"A lot of people have a crush on Ward." - Matt

"Opium suppositories. Ideal for your purposes." -"Trainspotting"

"That tongue is not human. That's a cow tongue." - Marissa G, Chrissy's friend

"Rock star crushes are irritating." -Allison, telling the truth

"That dog is some funny shit!" -Ward on Holly's horrible dog (thanks Robyn)

"Ward people are the nicest!" -me and Michelle

"So many times I just wanna be that cello." -Michelle

"What did you think of Ward's antics tonight?" -Matt to me

"Maybe we should have gotten them the anal beads." -Anna

"Jonny makes so many things sound like good ideas." -Nicole

"It's like we're dating this band." -Loni

"It's a lo-bobby-my!" -me when Robyn's sticker peeled off halfway

"We just look like a bunch of Gothic concert ho's." -me about Robyn, Loni and I, in black

"I like to think that I still maintain a level of classiness in my ho-ness." -Loni

"I just need a backrub, that's all." "I, on the other hand, just need some good lovin.'" -me, Loni

"I love how they're playing this European techno booty music while they set up." "'You know you want us, woo woo.'" -me, Loni (turns out it was the wrong CD)

"What happened to the horny music? 'Just kidding, we didn't want you to be that horny.'" -Loni

"You want to see my ass/ In my little tiny pants" -Loni, Matt song

"I'm feeling Mattness." -me, about Loni

"Loni, you are an angel." -Matt onstage

"No one likes Ward. Come on." -me

"Jay has bananas." -Loni

"His big head is full of issues." -Loni on Jay

"Yeah, my head is huge." -Jay

"And for that, you get Play-Doh." -me to Ward after backrub

"I like your mustache, Jonny." "My mustache likes you too." -Robyn's mom and Jonny

"Why are you guys being so subversive? -Matt to Loni and I

"I'm waiting for you guys to break out synchronized dances to our songs." -Will Hoge

"Kristin and I were like, he's been bench-pressing Evan to get buff." -Jasmine on Ward

"He has a lot of ugly shirts." -Jasmine on Matt

"He's gone from teen detective to boy wizard." -Jasmine on Jay's remark that Evan looks like Harry Potter

"That's another good reason to be in the balcony, because I wasn't distracted by Jay's crotch." -Jasmine

"James Major 'Woody' Clifford" -Jasmine

"Matt can't be doing all of the shirt-lifting work all the time." -Jasmine on Ward

"A Girl's Guide to Being Hot for Cello Players" -Jasmine's book idea

"Maybe that's what Jay's problem is; he's excited by the cello." -Jasmine

"They would have really pretty children." -Jasmine on Loni and Matt

"He was busy thinking about his penis, that's why he messes up the lyrics." -Jasmine on Jay

"Jump, Little Children: the only all-male lesbian band in the world." -Jasmine's mom

"What if Ward Williams had a tongue ring?" "You could fit a few on there." -Jasmine, me

"That man is way too flexible." -me on Ward

"I still can't look Matt in the eyes. They scare me." -Adia

"Please don't put your life in the hands of a rock n roll band and throw it all away" -Oasis

"I always like the bass player because their instrument is longer and thicker." -Karly

"I hate listening to hoochies!" -Karly

"All right Jay. Put that thing away." -96Wav dj to Jay about toy guitar

"I can fuck up the words/ Like I always do" -Loni on Jay and "Madness"

"That would be quite a trek to Jump shows from Fiji." -me, watching "The Truman Show"

"I love how Jay's head is a unit of measurement." -me

"I like making hoochies angry." -Loni

"I'm talking to Matt. Go talk to Jay." -me to Loni (sorry hon)

"I want to look at the index cards!" -Matt, all scary, about my show notes

Tyler: What were you doing this weekend?
Loni: Following Jump.
Tyler: Oh.
Robyn: The all-understanding 'oh' of Jump-dom.

"Ah. Jay and his dark curls on his big head." -Tina

"He's a little Britney Spears, he is." -Chrissy on Ward showing his navel

"So I'm just gonna grab your ass and walk away now." "Go for it!" -Coryn and Matt

[Bonnie and her roommates at The Grill:]
Jonny: Hey, I think these are a couple of fans!
Roommate: I wanna meet HIM! [pointing at Ward]

"I leapt into the crowd to hear the song, while Ward and Jonny acted like the walking, singing monkeys that they are. I always forget just how goofy Ward is." -Matt, the Notes

"Fuck the fucking chicken wings, man! Where'd we put the fucking pot?!" -"Sex and the City" (I get the feeling they've said something like this at least once).

"Hey, is there such a thing as a non-obsessed Jump fan?" "We call them heterosexual males." -Olivia and Chrissy

"Evan looks like a 15-year-old boy. I bet he has to go for the pre-teens." -Nicole's dad

"You know, if they all dressed up in the same outfits they'd be Jump, Little Beatles. I just was thinking about that right now and seeing their heads bobbing to 'She Loves You.'" -Julie

"You people are on your own little Jump planet, you know that?" -Rob

"Groupies go to one's head, as it were." -me

"It was the tongue that did it for me. The tongue and the brain. But the tongue first." -Chrissy

"They live on Coming Street. Must have been Jay's idea." -Chrissy

"For someone who's usually pretty fickle, you've been a pretty faithful fan." -my mother

"Every time I see the word 'forward' I think it should be pronounced 'For Ward' as in 'Williams.'" -Allison's friend Kim

"Ha! A mosh pit at a Jump show! 'Oh, you're totally stepping on my high heels!'" "'Oh no, my tube top!'" -me, Tina

"I keep wanting to call it the Drive N Walk or something." -Tina, re the Park N Fly

"Because you love us!" -Ward to me about taking Greyhound

"They're so awesome. I just want to have sex with all of them." -girl in Jennifer's religion class

"I love seeing Jump in college towns sometimes because you can just watch these frat boys coming to terms with their sexuality." -me

"Ward and his pelvis. He must have fun with it." -Tina

"Little girls like this?... Whores." -Rey, on "Body Parts"

"We're musicians. We're pampered little fuckin' brats." -guy from STP

"And each time she returned, she remained in her bedroom, sitting all day like a Buddha, smoking her opium, talking softly to herself." -The Joy Luck Club


"Every day's a formal occasion in the Williams' household!" -Ward on he and his dad being in tuxes

"Well, if you ever get together with Matt, set me up with Jay!" -Karly to Loni

"Jay is the one you want to look at you and say, 'Hey baby, come over here'. Matt you just want to have sex with. But Ward, you want Ward to be your boyfriend." -Karly

"Oh my gosh! He's the devil!" - Karly, on Matt

"Obviously, I wasn't fit for any such jumpy business." -C. S. Lewis, "Perelandra"

"I was thinking, I won't have anything witty to say about the Jump show. I'll just babble unintelligably like the rest of you. I don't want to do that-- I want to stay cool and aloof and have something hip and cool to say. Somehow I know I will just fuck it up. I'll mumble something about tongues and devil boys and that will be my quote." -Julie

"Dude, we're going to Winston-Salem. No one knows where we are. Whose idea was this!?" -Cassie, halfway to W-S

"Yeah, there was blood everywhere and people were crying. Dude, it sucked. It sucked more for the guy who got stabbed though. It was fucked up!" -Evan, after telling Cassie and friends about the near murder years back at a show

"You're a groupie! I'm so proud of you!" -Erin's friend Anna

"Hey, Coco, this isn't the cafeteria from 'Fame.'" -"Freaks and Geeks"

"Jean, that is not about an accordion; that is in and out!" -"Freaks and Geeks," The Who's "Squeeze Box"

"You just keep those boys away from your accordion." -"Freaks and Geeks" dad to daughter

"But because I'm self-absorbed and don't wash my clothes/ Women think I'm sensitive" -comedian, "Premium Blend"

"You know, if we ever hung out with Anne I'd probably be silent all night trying to come up with a profound quote." -Chrissy's brother Pete

"It is a multi-talented performer. And it achieves this status because it is...odd. Like some zany eccentric whose powers stem precisely from its eccentricity." -Erin's biology textbook (about water)

"Look, I found these pants in the garbage. They kind of smell, but chicks'll still want me." -Julie, making fun of Matt

"Less talking, more rocking!" -Brooke

"I can't count past four. I'm only a drummer." -Evan

"I thought he was some starving hippie looking for his mom." -Evan Fillon, about Evan Bivins

"Ward, would you like to be a giant pickle for Halloween?" -Matt (the answer: no)

"Would it be all right if I dressed up as you for Halloween?" -Jay to Matt

"Maybe the chorus should be 'What pisses you off?'" -me about "Body Parts"

"Hey Ward, I'm sorry I said I was gonna punch you in the face earlier. I was just joking." -Jonny

"I knew there had to be rock stars over here because people kept emerging and giggling." -Loni

"I didn't want to make out with you, I just wanted to feed you ice cream." -Ward to Jonny

"Touching yourself is good." "You don't have to tell us twice." -Jonny, me

"There's a lot about this band that's pointless." -me

"Eh, you don't want to talk to them anyway, they're all a bunch of jerks." -Jonny to Rebecca when she asked him after the show where the rest of the band was

"I think I'm bridging the gap from tentative semi-fan to the normal kind of Jump fan: obsessive groupie." -Katie W.

"What, a Jump fan with issues, what??" -me

"It's not like a band can do much to choose its fanbase anyhow, so if they don't like us, tough shit." -Rebecca

"They call themselves Opiates. Think Dead Heads with more estrogen and less patchouli." -Clay Barbour, Charleston Post and Courier

"It's not unusual for our older fans to outnumber the locals when we hit a new place. We like it, but I'm not really sure why they're so crazy about us. I hope it's because of our music." -Jay, in the C&P article

"What is it about the band that garners such loyalty, such fevered passion? I saw the gig Friday, and while Jump was good, I didn't feel like throwing my panties on stage." -Clay Barbour, Charleston Post and Courier

"I've never really been that hard to find, but not today. I never really could keep it off my big head ..." -Jay, rewriting 'Not Today'

"If anyone finds Matt's ritalin, please give it back." - Jonny

"We're only gay in the limo." -Jay

"Well, I talk to hos, but I schedule it. I have time to pack up my instrument, then I have ho time, then I have time for food, and then I have to sit around." -Jonny

"I mean, you can't write a letter about how we sold out their shows and then fuck us over." -Loni (she doesn't mean it as harshly as it sounds)

"It's kind of disconcerting to look up and see Ward's crotch." -Erin

"How many of you were here last night? How many of you saw us drive off in the big limo? How many of you hate us now?" -Jay

"Jonny IS Cookie Monster." -Jasmine

"I'm an idiot. I have too much respect for rock stars." -Jasmine

"We need to have a support group: girls who are way too impressed with small-time rock stars." -Jasmine

"You're a genius, Bighead!" -"Ambiguously Gay Duo," (shut up Jasmine!), SNL

"You can actually have a real conversation with Jonny instead of a pretend one with everyone else." -Loni

"Their concerts make me horny enough. I don't need their webpage to provoke me too! I mean ... they are like ... 'touch me!' I don't need that!!" -Loni, on the updated page

"Today I was downloading some stuff off Napster, and I looked to see who had what Jump stuff... and some chick had downloaded 'Cathedrals' and had stored it under 'boy bands.' Something to ponder." -Carmen

"I don't blame him. It makes me want to write a song myself, or paint a picture- or something." -Marjorie Holmes (courtesy Jessica)

"I assure you you'll find much hornier girls at Jump concerts than you ever will at N'sync concerts or the like. The reason, I believe, is that Jay and Matt put so much PASSION into their voices, I just can't explain it... Oh, but you probably know what I mean." -Katie Wohlford

"Even the people that want Jonny think he's creepy." -Jasmine

"He did some stuff that I had no idea was even possible on a cello. That alone was worth the trip." -Matt Shook on the Atlanta show

"That our Matthew is mad sassy is, of course, beyond question." -Angie

"I'm Three Weeks Late Because of Matt Bivins" -Jenna's idea for a shirt a la the "I Had Sex with Evan Bivins" shirts (Matt thought it was funny)

"Jump, Little Harem" -Julie

"You don't know what you're missing. I'm a pop star! I have a big cock!" -David Bowie

"When you're on the road, there are so many things that remind you of Spinal Tap." -Alan Wilder, Depeche Mode

"The entire time I sucked him off, he kept playing that damned ukelele." -groupie about George Harrison

"Let's let the little twerp express himself as best he can." -Ray Davies on brother and bandmate Dave, the Kinks

"I'd be kissing one girl, going to another, saying, 'Wait a minute, I'll be with you in a second.'" -Davy Jones

"What is the difference between a tour manager and a toilet seat? A toilet seat only has to put up with one asshole at a time." -The Ramones' tour manager

"Poor hairy, scary Jonny. Poor neglected S&M Jonny." -Jasmine

"If they were the Spice Girls, Jay would be the Spice Girl with the package." -Jasmine

"We've got armadillos in our trousers. It's really quite frightening." -"This Is Spinal Tap"

"I have to make a rock band so girls will say stuff like this about me." -Chrissy's friend Shane, about the quote pages

"Whenever a single bump or ruffle comes into this little adolescent fantasy world that you guys have built around yourselves, you start screaming like a bunch of poncy hairdressers." -"This Is Spinal Tap"

"We're lucky. People should be envying us." "I envy us. I do." "Me too." -"This Is Spinal Tap"

"You're hot to take all we've got/ Not a dry seat in the house" -"This Is Spinal Tap" lyric

"Is she going to play it or ride it?" -"Are You Being Served," about a cellist

"I hope that last song made all the ladies in the audience wet." -Buena Vista Social Club parody, SNL

"Just blowjobs and that's it!" -"Almost Famous"

"Don't mess with me, man. I'm Matt Bivins." -my mother after I complimented her eye makeup

"Don't take drugs!" -"Almost Famous"

"I get people off!" -"Almost Famous"

"When and where does this real world occur?!" -"Almost Famous"

"You're too sweet for rock and roll." -"Almost Famous"

"I know plenty of guys who appreciate their music greatly, but they don't have the zeal that chicks do." -Melanie

"...I especially enjoyed the dead-on review of 'Almost Famous' in the October issue. Hopefully that one'll strip some of the horseshit off some of the local folk who think they're badasses just because they play in a band. Sure, it's fun and all, and music is a necessary PART of life, but sorry, heart surgeons have much more of a right to be arrogant than musicians. Finding true confidence through playing music? Fine. Thinking it puts you above others? Not fine." -Chris Warfield, letter to "Stomp and Stammer"

"If you have to get impregnated, why not have Ward do it?" -Chrissy's mom (long story)

"I'm addicted to bean dip. Bean dip: the Jump, Little Children of dip. Mostly bland but kind of spicy. Hey, that's a good quote. I'm gonna write that down. I'm so funny." -me

"I once had sex in the kitchen!" "Ooh, what are you, a rock star?" -"Will and Grace"

"Next time you wanna do a three-way, do it with your cello and your ego!" "Yeah, well, at least my cello makes noise when I touch it!" -"Will and Grace"

Shayne: I love those freckles on your nose.
Jonny: Yeah, I paint them on.

"What is this obsession with Mr. Gray?" -Matt to Shayne

"He's such a dumbass. That's why he's so attractive to me. I'm about the dumbasses." -Erin on Jay (haha)

"We all take hot baths. No, not together." -Matt, the Notes

"Jim Morrison was sex on a stick. And he was the stick, too. He was the whole damn package." -Chris Connelly

"My momma don't want me to listen to no rock and roll music." "She says it leads to impure thoughts." -"Great Balls of Fire"

"And to think, Smithers, you laughed when I bought Ticketmaster. 'No one's going to pay a 100% service charge!'" -Mr. Burns, "The Simpsons"

"'Rugged, sexy' side of them? WHAT rugged sexy side? I am willing to admit that two of them have a supposed 'rugged, sexy' side. If there's a rugged side to Matt Bivins, it's probably so well hidden that no one can see it. I don't think he knows about it, either." -Chrissy

"U2 may very well be the only band that wasn't formed just because a bunch of guys had the hots for one another." -Jasmine

"I am not taking this crap from a Matt girl!" -me to Chrissy

"It's so hard to stop yourself from doing stupid things in front of them." -Chrissy

"Let's all team up and make Ward feel like a prostitute." -Chrissy

"I wanna see Jump now so I can make fun of them." -Chrissy

"I like long, thick instruments. Big, manly instruments." -Julie

"Any time you injure yourself on furniture, that's pretty much rock and roll right there." -me

"'Here, let me play your instrument for you!' 'Okay!'" -Julie

"Hold still and I'll pluck your strings for you." -Julie

"How about a Jolly Rancher, baby? You want a Jolly Rancher?" -Dave Attell

"You do yoga?" 'Yeah, but I did it before it was cool." -"The Simpsons"

"As much as I'd love to, I can't humiliate myself ALL the time." -Gwen

"I was reflecting on the quote about being the cello Ward plays, and I would rather be the bow because although he straddles and fingers the cello he pumps the bow back and forth, back and forth [Homer drooling noise]." -Julie

"You! Standing there with your big eyes and your dopey voice!" -"Malcolm in the Middle"

"He's cute. I hate him for being cute!" -"Malcolm in the Middle"

"One of the guys in Jump, Little Children has a crush on Britney Spears." "Really? What a loser." -me, and my 13-year-old cousin Brian

"When I grow up I'm going to be in a band called John Pootin Chillun." -Brian

"Anne's gonna marry Jump, Little Children. Anne's gonna have a harem." -Julie

"Nobody likes skinny harmonica players." -"One Big Happy"

"I don't think you drunk at a Jump show is a good idea." "Yeah, it's bad enough as it is." -Jasmine, me

"I think how cute you are is directly in proportion to how awful the pants are that you can get away with." -Jasmine

"Jay could do a photo essay about his own hair." -Jasmine

"I love how Matt is a huge dork." -Chrissy

"Everybody knows each other through me. That's true, you know. I'm popular. With a limited selection of deranged girls." -me to my mother, who was unimpressed with my hyperbole

"When the boys are away, the morons come out to play." -Erin on the state of Opium

"More J,LC was just what I needed to help me complete my nervous breakdown!" -Anna's mother after getting a posty

"You're dating a band?" -"That 70s Show"

"It was extraordinary. And I was a Beatle fanatic. As a young girl of 13, 14, 15, you always had a favorite Beatle, and it became a major thing at school, because you'd argue that Paul McCartney was more gorgeous than John Lennon or John Lennon was more gorgeous than George Harrison, or that Ringo was the best, and you know, you'd have arguments and fights about it." -Twiggy

"Basically they're ruining my life." -Chrissy, joking

"Jay Riddle" -name

"There are definite advantages and disadvantages to standing up front; same is true for the back. The biggest advantage to being up front is that I could see every facial expression, see every finger pluck every string, see every breath, every vein, every bead of sweat and every misplaced hair. They are so human �Eso beautiful in their humanity �Ethat my heart just about burst." -Emily Strong

"Two out of five members of Jump, Little Children like my boobs!"- Rachel
"And three out of five have class."- Chrissie

"It's so hard to resist all things Jump. I have Jump herpes. Well, think about it! You get it from one encounter. You can control the outbreaks with medication, but it's always *there*, and you give it to everyone you come into contact with." -Erin

"Gene [Simmons] turns out to be a really cool guy, very intelligent and funny in a pretty cynical kind of way. While they are talking, these two girls come up. They are typical California 'chicks'. Silicon tits totally in your face, and huge dyed hair sitting on top of massive bee-stung lips. They come up and say Hi to Gene and ask if they could see his tongue. Gene immediately drops down to chest height and starts having this close up intense conversation with these girls breasts like 'Have you ever tried to team up and overthrow any South American governments' and lots of bizarre shit like that. They ask again to see Gene's tongue and now Henry is backing them up. Gene says okay and pops about a half centimetre tongue out of his mouth, and Henry's thinking 'Hah, it was all smoke and mirrors for old Gene here,' and Gene pops about two centimetres of his tongue out now. By this time, Hank and the girls are leaning in real close when Gene opens his mouth and this tongue comes out which is about as long as your arm and proceeds to start rippling and undulated, zig-zagging back and forth and up and down, nearly taking the girls eyes out and scaring the shit out of Henry." -Henry Rollins page

"I think it's 'cause he likes shiny stuff." "He's a crow." -Erin, me on Jay's fascination with tiaras

"Someone should do a nature documentary on Jump, Little Children." -Erin

"Matt would be watching, like, 'What's the difference between us and the Beatles?'" -me
"The Beatles didn't grope each other onstage. Although that would have been interesting." -Jasmine

"This is so bad .... It's Mystery Science Theatre Jump!" -Loni on the studio webcam

"It's like if Weird Al were sexy." -Julie on Matt

"Most people are looking at it, but no one wants to admit it." -Jasmine on Jay's...

"They should so market those on the next tour: Bobble Head Jay Dolls." -Jasmine

"A band should be either cute or talented, preferably both. But at least one of the two." -Jasmine

"The concert got canceled. You know how tempermental cellists are." -"Three to Tango"

"Getting paid is the most important thing aside from underage teenage groupies." -Matt D., Chrissy's friend

"It gets bad when a webcam offers you academic advice." -Carmen (and it gets worse when even then you don't take it!)

"My name is Jay, and I need some air!" -"The Critic"

"Jump on Ice" -Julie

"James Taylor, what the hell are you doing in here, singin' about prostitutes to the children!" -Chef

"What, oh what would your girlfriend say/ If you humped that guy while he's trying to play?" -Jasmine as Jump, Little Dr. Seuss (try it, it's fun)

"You're not going to put that up, are you? Oh well, anyone who's ever been to one of their shows knows they hump each other all the time." -Jasmine

"Jump fans: demented and sad, but social." -Erin

"I'm happier being nuts about Jump, Little Children than being sane about anything else." -Chrissy

"Jay is Bambi!" -Loni on Jay's eating habits

"So what is the name of the webcam page? 'U can look, but U can't touch'?" -Olivia's friend Frank

"I don't know if I could handle that many horny chicks at one time." -Chrissy's friend Stephen on her wanting to drag him to see J,LC

"I just don't want to think about Jump, Little Children solving crimes." -Jasmine

"Matt would never do anything stupid just to get attention." -Jasmine

"You all have way too much time, exams or no." -Matt

"I'm what's known as 'man-pretty.'" -Kelso, "That 70s Show"

"And then Erin made a crude remark." -me to Chrissy, recounting a chat

"Style - it�s a kaleidoscope in a funhouse, and you�re always lost and wrong." -James Lileks

"They were all sexy except Ringo, George and John." -me

"We're not little kids. We don't jump in bouncy houses." -Bobby, "King of the Hill"

"Enough! I grow weary of your sexually suggestive dancing." -Homer (even though this came from a new Simpsons, I feel like I already have it on the quote pages; let me know if I do)

"I think I'm going to burst with sexual frustration!" -"Cold Feet"

"Jay can't talk and Matt can't sing." -me (I also feel like this is already up, perhaps due to its obviousness; let me know if it is)

"It's a big love pentagon." -Chrissy

"That's what they get for groping one another." -Jasmine

"Little crybaby rockstar pansy-ass. Hey, that felt good." -Jasmine

"Matt likes to tease little girls. Well, they all like to tease little girls, but Matt especially.... Like I just realized this after five years of following Jump, Little Children." -Jasmine

"I'm gonna go find me a big butch woman with a big pierced ass. I'll see you later, Ward." -Jasmine as Jonny

"Some of my fans put me on a pedestal and think I'm God, you know." -Ace Frehley

"Anybody who's ever seen the band knows I'm not a ham. I'm the whole pig." -Paul Stanley

"What's the deal with the knee thing? It's like a bad Elvis thing." -Julie, watching Jay on SCETV

"Jay's cuter than he is." -my mother about Dylan McDermott
"But Dylan McDermott has a better butt." -me
"I wouldn't be in a position to know." -my mother
"I would." -me

"Let me make you happy. I have a long tongue." -graffito at Rocky's Pizza in Athens, GA restroom

"The only times I have multiple orgasms, oh hell, an orgasm at all, is just by watching that guy right there up on stage." -Laura Verner on Matt

"My favorite cereals... two, because I'm a Gemini, are Froot Loops AND Grape Nuts." -Matt to Laura Verner

"Even conservative Republicans are powerless against the presence of Jay's crotch." -Jasmine

"They need to start touring again so I have something to do." -Jasmine

"Harry Potter and the Treasure Trove of Jailbait" -Jasmine on Evan's resemblance to the book wizard

"Cats are like Matt Bivins in that they cannot stand it if you're paying attention to something else besides them." -me
"And then when you do pay attention to them, they get all bitchy." -Jasmine

"That was when I was only in to Jump, Little Children because of the music." -Brooke

"You're never too cool for Jump, Little Children." -Brooke

"...and I'm obsessed/ Talking is just masturbating without the mess" -Our Lady Peace, "Happiness and the Fish"

"I don't think they need any more vibrating animals." "I think they have enough." -me and Brooke to Rachel on her innocent gifts for Jump

"Bad dog. Bad dog." "'Bad dog!'" -Brooke and Rachel

"ANNE LOVES EVERYONE!" -my dictation to Carmen over Erin's cellphone at Dock Street

"The band thinks everyone loves them." -MST3K

"There are five-minute gaps where it's like, 'Why am I doing this.'" -Jasmine on Jumpdom

"Opiate implies a substance that causes a dream state and a delusion of happiness and suggests an indifference and false sense of security or well-being." -Merriam-Webster Dictionary of Synonyms and Antonyms

"Her mind played back a melody she'd once heard in a cello solo; she didn't remember where or when. It had been smooth and honeyed and heartbreaking." -The Unexpected Groom

"It's impossible to be around a lot of Jump girls without having a trucker mouth." -Chrissy

"Pete heard that Vance's last name is McNabb, and he said, 'I bet he changed his name to pick up chicks." -Chrissy

"The best part was when Jay and Evan took the stage and I was like, 'They're going to sing to each other!'" -Chrissy

"As if Jay doesn't make enough orgasm noises." -Chrissy, about "The Singer"

"It must be nice to not be a Matt girl." "It is!" -me and Chrissy

"Because they're cunt teases!" -Erin

"There was no blood going to my brain cells, I can tell you that much." -Erin on talking to Jay

"I think that elevates you to a whole new level of Jump fandom. If you can be an idiot and not even be there." -Jasmine on my DS lobby phone convo

"I'd like to move that the image of Matt Bivins as a nun be stricken from the record as it is fucked up.... Sister Matt." -Jasmine

"Evan's accessory would be an underage girl. Evan's accessory would be Skipper. 'Skipper's got a new friend, and he's in a rock and roll band!'" -Jasmine on J,LC dolls (hey, it was late)

"That would be my show: Who Wants to Abuse Rock Stars." -Jasmine

"Hey, he's not happy at all! He lied to us through song! I hate when people do that!" -Homer Simpson

"You cannot escape the terror that is Jump, Little Children!" -Loni

"I was beginning to see that I wasn't cut out to be a serious groupie." -B. Young, "Dancing to the Tiger Beat"

"A precious few tried their hand at starfucking and found -- as I sensed the day I met Simon LeBon -- that being an imaginary groupie is a lot more satisfying for an intelligent girl than being a real one." -B. Young, "Dancing to the Tiger Beat"

"I have to sleep sitting up, okay? Like the Elephant Man, all right, or I'll die." -Quentin Tarantino parody on SNL, on having a big head

"Mmmmm...hug." -Homer Simpson

"Now I love Jump, Little Children just about as much as a straight male can but there is most definitely an element of the band I'm missing. I think they're like chocolate: men enjoy chocolate, but women seriously love it." -Pete

"For the most part, the people I met were very kind, but a few of those Opiates have serious issues." -Emily

"Jump, Little Children has it all: heavy metal solos, a cello, Dee Dee Ramone's phone number and a punctuation mark in their band name. Who could ask for anything more?" -Justin Niessner, The Daily Beacon

"Those theorists who deny female sexuality ought to have seen as many pop concerts as I have, when thousands of girls between the ages of twelve and sixteen respond savagely to the stimulus of music and male exhibitionism. It is a commonplace in the music industry that the stars stuff their crotches, and that the girls wet the seat covers." - Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch

"I have a dream about Ward Williams, and it's like a nightmare where we get into a bitch fight." -Jasmine

"Like a puppy on Ecstasy.... I'm just sayin'." -Jasmine on Jay

"Musicians are like blondes: You have to say everything very slow." -my dad (sorry, blondes)

"Everybody get out of the bar! I wanna go home and get drunk!"
"What??" -Jay and Matt, after busking on Church and Market (outside)

"A pet is something you can hug and cuddle and dress up like a pirate." -"Just Shoot Me" (if you don't get this reference, consider yourself lucky)

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Go back.

Do you have any quotes to submit? E-mail me: anne@seven-days.org.
AOL IM: martinezanne
Also, let me know if you see quotes repeated. I'm starting to think I might be lapping myself and it gets hard to remember what quotes are already up.

� 1998 - 2004 Anne Martinez
contents are original unless otherwise credited.
this site is not affiliated with jump, little children.